Do you want a perfect relationship? I want to let you know that you don’t have to rush.
There is no deadline.
There is a scene from the movie “My Cousin Vinny” where Marisa Tomei tells her fiancé (played by Joe Pesci):
“My biological clock is [taps her foot] If that happens then I will never get married. “
And for some reason, it made me think about how some women look at dating.
There’s this wrong sense of urgency that comes from these women, and it doesn’t do any good in the world of relationships for both parties.
From a boy’s perspective, it’s kind of a wear and tear for a man to be “rushed” into a relationship because his girlfriend gives him ultimatums about whether he wants to be “long-term” or not.
On some level, I understand, really. It makes a lot of sense for a woman to want to find someone with whom she can make her happy and grow old.
But many men would say they are afraid of commitment when that desire rises to somewhat unreasonable levels.
Living in the Now
Tim, a manager at an Ohio clothing store, tells me, “I wish most of the women I went out with were holding back a couple of notches … sometimes I can feel like she’s looking too far in the future”.
And that’s one of the biggest distractions for boys: being too distracted.
It’s not sexy when you’re not comfortable or in the moment. Here are some of the revealing behaviors:
(“Will he be a good boy?”, “I hope he’s not compromised-phobic”, “I wonder what our babies will be like?”).
- Analyzing every part of the conversation WHILE it’s happening
(“What did you mean by that?”, “You probably think my joke was stupid, will you call me?”).
- Trying to guess their motives
(“Are you interested in a relationship?”, “I probably won’t know about it after this date …”)
Believe me, this is too much mental static to deal with.
If you really want to attract a quality guy, just in time.
Sure, we all want things to go “as planned,” but when they don’t, they don’t have to dictate how we feel about ourselves.
For example, I’ve seen a lot of cases where women feel like they’ve won the lottery after they got it right. On the opposite side of that spectrum, I’ve also seen women feeling absolutely horrible when he didn’t turn out to be the right gentleman.
And that’s the worst thing about having a “everything has to go according to plan” mentality. When your self-esteem is based on these things, you will never have that relaxed attitude that attracts men.
Sit back and enjoy the ride
Here’s a mental trick to get you into that relaxed mood that makes men feel at ease – understand that NOT everything happens on that date.
He spends all his time in professional sports. There’s always this guy drowning in the pressure of having to make it worth it once.
Don’t listen to the voice telling you it may be “too late” if you don’t act now.
It’s ironic, but the more a person is invested in making something happen, the more likely they are to be distracted.
An unsuccessful attempt will not have a butterfly effect on your life and will leave you in a mess. I know many women who are happy in their 50s and beyond.
They are doing well because they know that a relationship is not the end result.
Instead, they are more focused on the most important task at hand: Hhaving fun!
That’s really what dating should be about, that is enjoying the company of that person in front of you.
It doesn’t matter if you are the one who will spend a quiet evening at home after the children have left for college.
The same goes if he turns out to be just another guy you’ve met along the way.
If you want to meet the man of your dreams faster, step aside and let it pass.
Remember: don’t put too much energy into playing the psychic; channel it for fun. And everything else will follow.
By the way, I know a way to get a guy, minus the unnecessary twists. It is a skill that you can learn and apply immediately without spending too much time or energy.
You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people, and women everywhere have benefited greatly.
Click here to learn how to get there without sweating.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
– Carlos Cavallo
UPDATED ON 9/29/2021
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