Experts tell us that we must have unconditional love in our romantic relationships. I think it’s a very bad idea. Here’s why …
We are told to aspire to unconditional love and to accept our romantic partners as they are. In this video, I share why I believe unconditional love can be toxic and what we can point to.
Unconditional love sounds beautiful. Many experts say that it is the ideal, the golden ticket to love someone unconditionally, and accept him with all his flaws.
I think it is important to choose a partner who has your essentials and without interruptions. Once you accept that this is the person you want to be with, accept it as it is and don’t try to change it. But, there is a big difference between this and unconditional love.
I believe that unconditional love is a myth, and it is harmful to believe that it is possible.
This is the problem: if we accept and love our partners unconditionally, it means that they do not have to meet any conditions. It gives permission to both partners to treat each other as they please.
Conditions are limits and agreements, and without them, there is no real love. There must be conditions for love to last and be healthy.
Unconditional = Accept EVERYTHING our partner does
If we have to accept everything unconditionally, it means that there are no limits, no conflicts or expressing hurt feelings.
Any healthy relationship will have conflict. To keep a relationship alive, we need to overcome our disagreements in a mature way. We need to make arrangements about how we want to treat each other. These boundaries and agreements create security and trust, so that we can grow together in love.
Where did the term “unconditional love” come from?
It was first introduced by psychologist Erich Fromm, who wrote about it in 1956 in his book, The art of loving.
He said there are many types of love, starting with a mother’s unconditional love for her newborn child. There are no expectations for a newborn. He or she is loved just for being alive.
He continues that the love of a father must be won. The father sets rules that the child must follow in order to earn his love. And this is the origin of unconditional love.
Not applicable to romantic relationships, because healthy relationships must have conditions.
So the next time you hear someone say that they are looking for unconditional love, don’t be afraid to indicate how you feel when it comes to setting healthy boundaries and agreements, or conditional love. Because love has limits, and the better you express those limits, the more intimate your relationship can be.
What are your thoughts on you?unconditional love? Please share in the comments.
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