Sometimes it seems like getting a man to be honest with you in your relationship is almost impossible. And you may be wondering why men lie to you.
- They are all lying men?
- Do they lie to hurt women?
- Will he always fool you?
- Can you ever trust him?
Well, there is no single reason why men lie. I wish I could tell you that there was ONE cause, then we could all go and fix it in our relationship. But there is not always a single reason for their romantic deception.
A man lies to you for several reasons.
Let’s start with:
What kind of lies are the boys telling?
The first kind of lie a man tells is …
Lie # 1: The Whoopsie Lie
An example of “Whoopsie Lie” is the one where you ask him where he went with his friends, and he says he went to the Garibaldi pub. And then you find out he actually went to Jack’s Brewhouse.
Some might view this oversight as a lie or a deception. But for him it was simply a combination of an extra drink with his lack of attention to detail.
So be careful to assume that Whoopsie Lie it’s the same as lying to cover up something. Very often it is not an important detail.
Lie # 2: The state lie
The boys are very focused state.
This is such a common form of lying for both men and women that it is very likely that you have “stretched the truth” to be seen in a better light.
Men lie for seeming “higher status.” For a man, it’s about status and where he feels he fits into the social pyramid. And yes, it will protect that status by lying.
Lie # 3: The lie of saving face
We all do this because we all want to avoid feeling embarrassed. It is very directly related to the number 2 lie about the state, only that this is simply to prevent a man from looking silly.
He may be lying about not letting you know he stumbled and fell on his back in front of a group of friends, so he says he “stumbled.”
Confession: I remember once I drank a little too much and went through a glass door. I took it off quickly and left as soon as I could to avoid embarrassment and I haven’t told anyone until now.
Lie # 4: The male lie
When it comes to this, a guy wants to feel like a guy.
Like a man.
And in today’s world, it’s getting harder and harder for men to feel that way. From the label of “toxic masculinity” to all sorts of criticism of men, it’s hard for many guys to feel “safe.” (And if someone is thinking, ‘Well! They can try it for once!’ – Note that two mistakes never make one right!)
Many guys will lie to protect their masculinity and to inflate it.
A popular example of this would be their “number”. As in, the number of women he has slept with. He will always inflate that number a bit to look more like a manly man.
There are many other places where a man will lie to retain his sense of masculinity, such as stories that boast or embellish his successes.
These little scams are best left alone. Pointing them at him – or at others – will only drive him away.
Lie # 5: The “last resort” lie.
In a relationship, there will be times when a boy feels like he is “condemned if he does, and cursed if he doesn’t.” It means he won’t win, no matter what.
Feeling cornered …
And very often, a woman puts him in this situation.
For example, you might be wondering if “he’ll be playing this video game all night?” What a sarcastic way to really say, “Can you pay me a little attention?”
If a boy hears enough submerged requests, he will begin to resent the indirect and passive-aggressive manner in which he was asked.
Women are much more indirect with their communication style. Most women want to avoid direct accusations and avoid confrontations. This behavior is rewarded for interacting with other women. But it is no rewarded for communicating with men.
And this is where many men do not understand what to do. He feels trapped between the proverbial rock and a hard place.
- If you just want to spend some time with “me”, now you feel guilty about it …
- If he then gives in to make you happy, he will feel a little resentful …
The “last resort” lie is not always a “lie.”
Just you to think lies simply because you have never heard the truth of what he said.
When a man does not have the feeling that you are really listening to him or believing him, he only concludes that he will not be heard and that effort should be saved by avoiding conversation.
For example: If a guy says he’s not ready to commit and keep acting like he’s committed if you just keep showing him how great you are.
This is a case of “not listening to it.” And it pushes him to do what he has to be true to himself.
It doesn’t really matter how much you feel in the relationship. You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people truth.
Now, even if you can identify his deception, there’s still something you want to know:
Why do men lie …
Men’s lies rarely hurt or cause pain. In fact, almost no one never lies to deliberately hurt another person. He’s not even on his radar at the moment telling the lie.
That’s all self-preservation!
What he is thinking is simply this:
“How can I avoid feeling embarrassed or hurt?”
And this is why men lie:
- To avoid embarrassment or humiliation
- To avoid hurting yourself, or someone you care about
Sure, there are guys who lie about their affairs, but the truth is women do too. Who wouldn’t?
But in the end, our main reason for lying is usually to keep a painful truth away from someone we love.
How do you know if he’s lying?
I will not go into great detail about this, as I have written a great article on this here …
But suffice it to say that there are only a few warning signs that a man is lying:
- Change the details: Looks like you can’t fix it with what really happened or what you were doing …
- He’s nervous: the boys are hurting the lie, mostly …
- He won’t give you details, because if you don’t specify much about his story, he’s probably trying to keep you from getting caught …
- It has a “explain”: we all emit subtle indicators that we are lying. His could be clearing his throat or playing with his nails. Basically, look for ANY behavior that stands out …
I have many more explained in detail in the other article.
But the most important thing is, of course, to do it trust your instinct.
Because the biggest sign he’s lying to you is that you know something is wrong with what he’s saying.
Women have a VERY accurate BS detector when it comes to these things, because you’ve been practicing all your life with your friends and family. And you’ve probably polished your own ability to cover up those things you’d like to hide.
Trust your instincts!
But the real question is:
What do you do if you think he is lying?
First, make sure you take a moment to acknowledge and manage some of the pain and sorrow of this type of deception in your relationship. If you do not allow yourself to accept it, you run the risk of going into denial of your feelings.
I have had to advise men on this very thing, because the experience is not exclusively feminine.
It can be very difficult to accept that the person you trust and love so much is telling you something to deceive you. Maybe your intention wasn’t (and probably isn’t) to fool you, but it still feels very raw and painful to experiment anyway.
It seems like a betrayal. But ask yourself: would you do it differently if you were in your emotional state?
Care for your lie …?
There is a very simple cure for a man who you think is not honest in your relationship:
- Listen to every word you say – and really LISTEN his point of view. This is the most powerful piece of advice I give women, and yet it is amazing how few women understand how to do it.
- Give him enough space to miss you …
The latter is a doozie! Most women rush to close the gap if they feel there is too much space in their relationship. They fear that if they leave him too far out of sight, he will get into trouble and she will lose him.
Of course, part of the reason I started this site and offered my programs is to help you overcome this hurdle of knowing HOW to make it heard.
Because once you feel like taking it, you’ll love it for it.
He will think of you night and day …
If you want to know more about how to make this kind of connection with you, here is an article you should read …
Discover the secrets of a loving, committed and unbreakable relationship with the man you love
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