Why do some couples get stuck in their relationships?

Most of us can look back on a previous relationship and think, We should have broken up earlier.

In retrospect, it’s easy to see that you and an ex should have broken up before, before the relationship before it could be seriously. But retrospective is a double-edged sword, and we often forget how we felt at the time: things were adequate. They were okso we spent months, even years, without stopping to really think about where we were going, if our partner met our needs and if, deep down, we were even happy.

People who have unsatisfactory long-term relationships can be held back for too long by stagnant partnerships simply because they are comfortable and stress-free, only to wake up five years later and realize that the person sleeping next to them is not material. couple. The feeling of being “stuck” can be paralyzing.

When people get caught up in these relationships, it is usually because they are caught between two different types of commitment: dedication and limitation. It is a clear dichotomy: How long do I want to be in this relationship?(dedication) vs. How far am I in this relationship just because I feel like I can’t leave? (restriction).

Strong relationships balance both types of commitment. These couples want to be together because they really enjoy and value each other’s company, but they also feel compelled to make the relationship work because they have built a life together. Marriage, children, pets, home ownership, intertwined family dynamics – all of these factors make it difficult to break up. Restriction can be as valid a reason to stay together as dedication, inspiring couples to work for the right reasons, rather than hastily breaking up and living to regret the decision.

The honeymoon phase is notoriously – and universally – misleading. The beginning of the relationship is wonderful, euphoric. That is why people who have long-term relationships that are unsatisfied often go back to those “early days,” long for that happiness, and wonder at a quiet time what happened to the person they met. Why did the good times fade away?

But while this thought process is ubiquitous, regardless of the strength of the relationship, only strong couples are continually finding new avenues for growth and connection. When these sources of rejuvenation cannot be found, couples get stuck and, moreover, often also lack the motivation to induce rupture, because the inevitable seizure surely seems more trouble than it is worth.

When we stop wondering if we are compatible with our partner and if our needs are being met, something has gone wrong. But leaving a long-term relationship that on the surface is going well enough requires a major life event to catalyze the procedures or a gradual construction of personal drive to change your life. An example of the former is infidelity, either yours or your partner’s. But for most people, the feeling grows slowly and quietly as they recognize the gap between their goals, interests and values ​​and those of their partner. They see their lives go by and they reach a turning point where they realize that their partner will never change; their lives will never be aligned in the way they once dreamed.

Not all relationships are meant to lead to the final commitment, and that’s good. Dating is an experiment and a mutual journey in which everyone participates, perfecting their partner’s preferences and learning about themselves along the way. Even relationships that feel “good” sometimes end better. Moving forward opens the door to more satisfying relationships with people who are oriented toward our own life journey. Sometimes breaking up is the kindest thing to do, not just for you, but for your partner. It is possible to respect them and even “love” them knowing that it is best for them to be with someone else. These are difficult decisions, but if you need a little extra advice to find out, we can help.

Maclynn International is a multi-award winning boutique presentation agency with offices in New York, California and London. We are known worldwide for bringing together highly compatible singles, and our matchmakers are eminent experts in relationships in their own right. So if you’ve been through a breakup, looking for a fresh start, or even just need a sounding board to talk about your relationship issues, we’re here to hear from you. Get in touch today and clarify your goals and feelings, and then get on the road to getting to know that special person you deserve and deserve. you.

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