Why do guys ever want a relationship with me?

Why do guys ever want a relationship with me?

Have you been through a series of “almost” relationships? This is often the case; You meet a nice guy, he seems interested, you like to spend time together and connect. Then all of a sudden, he starts walking away, blowing hot and cold, and finally, when he is confronted with it, he says something like, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”

You keep thinking, “What happened? Why do guys ever want a relationship with me?”

There are several reasons why guys may not want to have a relationship with you, which we’ll explain here:

You’re just not his “party,” when it comes to personality

Dating is a numbers game, and sometimes it’s just pure luck when someone knows the right person. Unfortunately, you may have met a number of guys with whom you were not really compatible with your personality.

She may think you’re a great woman, but she’s not suitable for him. While men are very visual (sometimes much more so than women), when it comes to finding a long-term partner, they are often very good at being rational. Men know they are looking for someone with whom they feel they would be compatible in the long run.

As women we often fall completely in love with a boy depending on the look or “potential” of what a boy might be. The moment we sleep with them, all these hormones are released that make us cling to the boy, even if his personality or circumstances are not desirable. Women tend to overlook certain aspects of a man’s character because they get hooked and focus on the idea of ​​having a relationship.

They don’t find you physically attractive enough

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what one man finds appealing may not be the same for another. Still, men tend to be very visual and loving with their eyes. They often have specific physical traits they are looking for in a long-term partner, but they will sleep happily with a variety of different women to live the experience. For example, they may have a preference for small brunettes and have always imagined marrying a brunette, but they will sleep with a tall blonde if available and attractive enough.

So maybe it’s not that you’re not attractive, but that you’re not really the usual type.

On the other hand, you might be looking for guys a little out of your league. Where I live in New York there are more single women than men. So if a guy is successful and is very pretty, you can bet he has a lot of attractive women interested. He may be chasing the most attractive, while keeping others to have sex or someone to hang out with in the meantime.

Generally speaking, if a guy has a 9 in the appearance department, he will probably look for a 9 or a 10 in a woman. If the woman is 9 or 10 and turns out to be high maintenance or has some annoying personality traits, she may fall to a 7 or 8, but he will hold out much longer than her because she is very, very hot.

I know because one of my handsome male friends, let’s say Tim, was dating a very attractive girl who broke up with him. He despaired of getting her back. When I asked her what she liked about her, she couldn’t really think of many nice things to say about her personality, but she told me she was “so attractive” and that’s why I wanted her more than any of the brides with whom it never came out.

If you’re a 7 and have some not-so-great personality traits, then you fall even lower to 5 or 6. Right now, they end it with you because it’s not enough for the guy to do it. he wants a relationship with you.

You’re picking the wrong guys

Some guys just don’t want a relationship with anyone. Unfortunately, many times these guys know they don’t want a relationship from the first moment, but they don’t say it. you This fact. They chase you, act interested, even take you out to dinner, but they only do it for sex, and the moment they realize you want a relationship, they act distant and bounce.

Why are they doing this? Because if they told you they just wanted sex in advance, the girl probably wouldn’t agree and he wouldn’t have any sex.

Not all boys are like that. I have a friend who tells women he doesn’t want a relationship. Unfortunately, they often continue to see you in the hope that you will want a relationship.

If he says he doesn’t want to, believe him.

Take a moment to evaluate the type of guys you choose. Do you find yourself dating guys who are too young? Maybe they’re not financially secure or aren’t where they’d like to be in their career? Maybe they’re the kind of guys who are surrounded by single friends who don’t know anyone who’s married or in a relationship? Or maybe you always choose guys who like to party?

If you can see a pattern, try choosing guys who might be ready for a relationship. Look at your family values ​​and the people you spend time with. See if they have shown signs of commitment in the past. Do they have a dog? Do they have a house or are they saving for one? Try to look for signs of stability.

You are not asking the right questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions when you go on dates. It doesn’t have to be an interrogation, but you can ask the man what he’s looking for. If they say they are looking for a relationship or would be open to a relationship if they knew the right person, then you are on the right track. However, if they say they are not looking for anything serious or just want a little “fun”, you don’t need to waste any more time with them.

Too often women are afraid to ask questions for fear of looking too intrusive or desperate to have a relationship. They make assumptions that the boy must be looking for a relationship if he chased them or asked for a date.

The truth is, you can never make assumptions about someone else’s feelings. Just because she looks like you’re flirting with you doesn’t mean she wants anything but sex.

It’s okay to ask subtle questions at the beginning of meeting someone. This way, you can easily eliminate the time-wasting ones and find someone who is just looking for you.

You are having sex too easily

So the old saying goes, why buy a cow if she can get milk for free? If you are going to sleep with a guy and he gets all the benefits of sex without having to commit, it is possible that he will continue in the same way. If you’ve been hooked up for a while and think you need to “talk about the relationship,” don’t worry. If you feel like you’re just looking for a connection or aren’t sure where you’re going, tell them how you feel.

Try to have this conversation in person if you can. If she says she doesn’t want a relationship, this is the way to go. Don’t keep giving him the benefits if he’s not willing to make you his girlfriend. Sometimes a guy needs to lose you to realize what he is willing to do to keep you going.

You have to work on yourself

Do you find that when you have a boyfriend, you change immediately? Do you get too attached and start making them the center of your universe? Do you neglect your friendships and hobbies? If so, it may be a good idea to examine your affectionate style and try to work on your balance when it comes to friendships and relationships. Working with a good psychologist can help you resolve any bonding issues you may have.

You may have an anxious affectionate style and not an insecure one. If you are constantly looking for clues that the man you are dating is losing interest, this may be a sign of anxious and worried affection.

Try to look at your own life. Are you the type of person you would like to date? Do you have some financial stability? Do you have your own interests and hobbies? Do you have any negative traits that may be affecting your relationships, such as being controlling, demanding, or jealous?

It is important to be aware of yourself and your shortcomings so that you can work on them and bring your best self to the table. Think about what your ex has said about you. Think about the reasons these guys give for not wanting to have a relationship with you.

There is someone for everyone. Either you work to change these traits, or you choose someone who accepts you as you are. For example, if you are untidy by nature, it may be best to find a boy who doesn’t mind having a messy home.

You have trouble communicating and being yourself

Sometimes when women have a boyfriend or start seeing someone new, they start worrying that the boy is starting to walk away or find a reason to end things. This is an understandable fear if you have been left many times before.

The problem with coming from a scary place is that you can start trying to contort into the person you are to think your boyfriend wants. If you’re trying to hold on to a guy, it’s easy to start liking people and not talking. You endure it all for fear of shaking the boat and causing it to break. Don’t call them for their behavior and let them out with pretty much everything. Don’t push your limits and find it difficult to communicate about things that bother you.

These things can sometimes be detrimental to your relationship. Instead of communicating openly and honestly (quietly), you stuff things up, which makes you feel more detached rather than closer to both of you. Men want to feel that they can open up to their girlfriend about their fears. They want to feel safe. In the same way, they want you to open up too.

On the contrary, some women do the opposite and start acting. They look for clues that their boyfriend is not engaged and begin to analyze their behavior, trying to find hidden meanings in the things they do or say. They continually point out things that their boyfriend is doing wrong or ask him where the relationship is headed, which causes the boyfriend to withdraw, for fear of “drama.” Things like demands, ultimatums, and pressure to live together soon can affect a relationship.

The best thing you can do is learn how to communicate effectively. Remember to start the sentences with “I’m sorry”. For example, instead of saying “you never have time for me”, you can say something like, “I feel like we don’t spend as much time together as before and I just wonder if things are okay.” Try to be calm and not make accusations or say harsh things about your boyfriend that you will later regret.

Bottom line

Don’t give up hope. Just because you haven’t met the right man doesn’t mean you can’t find one. Take the time to really evaluate compatibility before rushing into a relationship. Ask lots of questions, observe the person’s behavior, and ask yourself, “Would you like to be a friend of this person if there was no sex?” At the end of the day, being in a bad relationship is much worse than being single.

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