Wondering why I can’t find love again? Finding love and finding the right man brings unique challenges to middle age. Find out how to beat them to get to know your partner.
Why is it so hard to get out?
Have you been looking for love for a long time and you are not satisfied with your results? What could be more frustrating than waiting to meet the man of your dreams and go out empty-handed?
Time passes and you still don’t know the right man. Why is this happening to you? Why should it be so hard to connect with a decent guy? And most importantly, what can you do to change things?
I have been in your skin and I understand the pain you feel. When you spend too much time single, it leaves you wondering how you can change your status. Struggles and issues that nothing will make a difference.
It’s hard to imagine what might happen that will change the course of your love life. Who knows what will help you finally connect with that wonderful man you’ve been dreaming of for years?
Why can’t I find love again?
There are so many reasons why love can seem so illusory. I have classified them into four categories:
1. Lack of activity. If you do something only once a month or so, don’t actively seek love. Maybe you’re thinking about it, but you need to take action weekly if you take yourself seriously to get to know your partner.
2. Low self-esteem. You don’t feel worthy of love. When you lack confidence, you attract men who don’t appreciate you. This is because you do not appreciate or understand your unique value as a woman.
3. Anger for men. Having been heartbroken, deceived, or disappointed, you have a bad taste in your mouth for men. You may feel that most men are not good enough for you, or that women are generally superior. This makes it almost impossible to find a man who can jump the unrealistic bar you set.
4. Knowledge of dating. Last but not least, some women have misconceptions about going out without realizing it. This can be the hardest part because you don’t know what you don’t know. Therefore, you may be making devastating mistakes with the best of intentions.
Do you see yourself in any of these four categories? Maybe more than one applies. No wonder these motives are so common and many women suffer from a mixture of motives, so they wonder, “Why can’t I find love?”
What can I do to change things?
The good news is that there are a number of enhancing steps you can take to overcome these limitations that keep you from knowing “The One.”
After going through this myself, meeting the adorable man I married and now being a women’s love and dating coach for 20 years, I have a good idea.
Here are 10 empowering steps you can take to change your romantic karma once and for all to find love again.
10 steps to find love again
1) Erase the past. If you want to find love with a good man, you have to get rid of your past. It’s time to dump her and move on. That means throwing away old love letters and other memories, overcoming anger at your situation or your ex, and healing your heart. Then find a way to forgive your ex and yourself!
Don’t skip this step – it’s really the most important thing.
When you are looking for love without erasing your feelings about your ex, it will be very difficult to connect with a new man at heart level. In fact, you can attract men with similar problems, which is often the case with many women.
If finding love has been very difficult for you, start by cleansing and healing.
2) Believe in love fiercely. Are you thinking about how to find true love? One thing that helps is a fierce belief in love. Develop a deep understanding that love is your destiny. At this point, although there is no evidence, you have no doubt about this truth. This belief provides you with a base of strength to withstand any storm or disappointment along the way.
Going back to that idea made me keep going as I went out to find my husband.
3) Love yourself deeply. You know you’re a great catch and you appreciate who you are as a person and as a woman. Self-love provides a solid foundation for surviving rejection and setting firm boundaries.
This means that it is time to start taking good care of yourself. If you are interested in finding love, start by loving yourself first. When you feel worthy, you can draw the line and accept nothing less than being treated well.
Read more about how to love yourself
4) Learn what works online. If you are online or on dating apps, you are taking the necessary steps to meet new men. Great! Dating is a sorting process to find a good partner and you have to meet a lot of men to find “The Only One”.
However, knowing what works with these digital tools is not so obvious. many women only follow the advice of a friend or stab themselves in the process on their own. Unfortunately, this often leads to many mistakes and unnecessary frustration and misfortune.
Find out what works by reading a book, taking a class, or signing up with a love and dating coach (like me)! If you don’t, you’re likely to do things that work against you and prevent you from finding love.
How to find true love
5) Find 3-4 men a month. When you get serious about finding love again with the right man, you get to know men. The man of your dreams will not be able to find you unless you are out and available! Make it easy to find your future dream man with the goal of 3-4 first dates a month. Then you are on your way to finding love.
If you’re often wondering why I can’t find love again, it may be because you don’t know enough men. Now there are no excuses. It’s time to dump her and move on.
6) Have a fun date! Do you treat your first date as a fact-finding mission? If you’re used to being a detective when texting, talking on the phone, or interviewing your date the first time you meet, it’s NOT FUN!
Remember that he is also reviewing you and you must pass his test. Many women tell me that men can’t pass the test.
If this is true for you, then realize that you have set the test for all men to fail. This keeps you safe and avoids any need for your own vulnerability. That means you’re not really open to men or love.
Relax because you will learn what you need to know in a few dates. So don’t go for the jugular and ask why she got divorced right away. This will make you feel uncomfortable and then you will not have a good time. When that happens, why would I ask you to come out again?
Give some space to a man. There’s plenty of time to share your love war stories as you get to know each other. Some questions require a build up of confidence before you can get a truthful answer.
Instead, keep your appointment fun, light, and entertaining if you want a second date.
Here are five ways to know what you like after a first date
7) Keep expectations under control. Dating can be very exciting, especially when you meet a man you like and seem to like. However, you need to manage your enthusiasm because you can literally scare it away by expressing your enthusiasm and feelings too soon.
Share your enthusiasm with a girlfriend, but be great with your new man. Smart women play their cards close to the vest and let a man speak first. If you’ve shared your feelings quickly in the past, this could be one of the reasons why finding love has been difficult.
More tips for finding love
8) Wheel with rejection. If you are going out, there is sure to be rejection. You just can’t help it, because there will be men you don’t like and men you don’t like.
Learn how to manage your expectations, which will also help you manage rejection more easily. Another dating tip is to come back faster, when a relationship is starting to end abruptly.
You will be more adept at dealing with disappointments, because they don’t drag you down or stop you from finding love. Don’t get caught up in why I can’t find love again and feel down. Instead, go with him and meet a new and better man!
9) Be optimistic. I help my clients find ways to stay optimistic about going out and finding love. When you firmly believe that love is your destiny, it can keep you moving and feeling positive. Feeling positive makes you MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE to men!
There are always new men to meet, so keep your chin up.
10. Persevere! If you are serious about finding true love, you need to keep going out and meeting men until you find your partner. When I was looking for love, my ability to stay the course kept me active.
When I asked myself, “Why can’t I find love again?” I would change my mind to be more positive. I would think, “It’s on its way!”And I would continue to meet men until I finally found the right man for me.
Why can’t I find love?
Well with these 10 tips, now you can! While there is no doubt that dating is over 40 years of age or older is harder than when you were young, so what? If you want love, DO WHAT YOU NEED TO FIND IT!
I love quoting my wedding friend Nicole LeClerc, who said, “No one ever looked back after finding love to say, ‘Oh, what a waste of time.'”
No way! You will know that every unpleasant and disappointing date you have had has been worth it once you find that amazing man who loves you so much.
Finding the man who is funny, supportive, generous at heart and willing to share the ups and downs of life means everything. A man who is sexy, sweet, enriches your life and kisses you deeply is worth every awkward moment you experience while you are dating.
I know he’s out there, so please help him find you!
For more dating tips for people over 40 or any age, download my free book 7 Serious Dating Mistakes That Keep You Single
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