You’re sitting there, feeling a little nervous when you finish dessert. Who pays for the first date?
You are silently waiting for the inevitable …
The check is coming!
You and your date see this little thing from the cardholder that the “bad news” comes after every meal at a restaurant. What are you doing?
- Leave he to pay?
- Do you offer to participate and hope you don’t like it because you have exactly $ 4 in your wallet, and there’s no ATM for miles …?
- Are you trying to time it to be in the bathroom when the check arrives?
It’s enough to drive you crazy if you let it go, and I know that if you’ve ever gone out to dinner, you’ve probably gone crazy over this “who pays the check” dilemma.
So, WHO PAYS?
No, REALLY… who should pay for the date?
Now it’s very confusing, with new gender roles and old standards, and you don’t want to be wrong, do you?
Well, it’s really an easy question to answer, and I’ll make it my own. “once and for all“rule about who pays in this article.
First, I want to explain everything mal i bad answers you will hear:
BAD ANSWER # 1: “Who asks to pay!”
This answer means that we all work with the same internal rules about what men and women feel about it … and the fact is that … we don’t.
A guy may feel a little relieved not to have to pay the check for once, but wonder how YOU he will hear it.
If you are honest about it – you know it will seem strange to you. As if sending him a message.
And you’re right, that is a message to him that may keep him from asking you out again.
And let me give you a little advice here:
Don’t ask guys out!
I know I’m going to win the fury of a thousand feminists in this case, but it’s pretty easy to understand why you shouldn’t ask men out:
- If you ask, you will never know if it is REALLY in you or not. And that will drive you crazy # $% @!
- If you ask, he will never be inspired to take the initiative. And the man needs to chase you, madam. It is not an optional accessory that you can say NO to.
- If you ask, it will feel “short-circuited” for you to take on the male role. He’ll feel like he beat you (even if he didn’t) because you just wiped out ALL the mystery.
If you like and NO ask yourself out (which is what you secretly fear when you do it for him), then he would never have been a good partner for you. Her lack of masculine initiative would always make you feel like a little appreciated accessory in her life.
Trust Carlos in this …
BAD ANSWER # 2: “Split the bill!”
This answer is often given as an “easy solution” to this dilemma. And I have to admit, if you’re really confused, or you’re sure you don’t like the guy in a romantic way, yes, that’s the way to go.
But if you want the boy to do it INVEST in your relationship (and not just in money, in EMOTIONS) you have to start to get some skin in this game. Yes, paying for food is not just a financial investment, but an emotional investment that reminds you of what you are doing.
BAD ANSWER # 3: “The woman must always pay! She must not be indebted to the Patriarchate!”
This answer is usually given as a way for the woman not to feel that she is indebted to the man for food. “He bought dinner, now I have to turn it off!”
Uh, no, no need to turn it off.
There is a very real fear that if you let the man pay, he will “expect” sexual reciprocity. He bought the food, you have to turn it off!
Guys don’t think so. And the guy he does is a piece of rhino poop.
Let me tell you this:
The best approach is that a woman should never act like her JUST WAIT the bill to be paid by the man.
This stinks of law and … Cling to your ass, ladies – gold digging.
(The crowd gasps.)
A man wants you to be grateful, though not in debt.
He wants your input RECOGNIZED for you. Because all too often, a guy pulls out a girl (usually not one of the nicest girls) and she’ll just use it to eat for free.
And these days, unless his career is really on track, he’s as poor in cash as you are. A guy doesn’t want to be “cheap,” but he has to be careful.
So what’s the answer here, Carlos?
Should the boy pay? Does the woman have to pay?
Both of us?
This is how this answer is broken down …
We will go through the correct scenario of WHO TO PAY:
STEP 1: Let the check arrive …
Don’t worry or be surprised. You just know it’s part of this ritual dance.
When the check arrives, make sure you are already talking to him about something and keep your attention on it.
After a few seconds –
STEP 2: Grab your bag or wallet and place it in front of you or on your lap
But in such a way that you can notice that you have done this.
If he it doesn’t “No, it’s okay, I get it,” then you should:
STEP 3: Open the bag and say, “Can I help?”
It should give you a smile and a “Thank you, I get it.”
To which he replied, “Thank you for dinner!” With a beautiful grateful smile that reminds him that he made the right decision.
This is the “dance” you do at every date, and once you get used to it, it’s EASY.
If he accepts your offer and asks you to participate, do so. No attitude or resentment.
When you get home later, you decide if the signals point to “cheap skates“o”misunderstanding“Or something else completely.
Yes YOUR The standard is that you want a man who values the role of supplier, and you want a contribution from him to invest in the relationship, but he won’t give it … You have to let him know that you don’t think it’s a good thing. fit in. Be up front and clear with him.
And then move on.
Remember that talking to boys is NOT like talking to women.
Guys don’t give clues, we don’t work with subtleties. You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people.
You can only try it for one or two nights, evaluate what you see and then decide.
Don’t be a “hold on. “
These are the women who like a guy and have a date … and feel like he’s not a good person for her. But she needs to be in a relationship, and he needs sex. So they keep going out until someone ends up hurting themselves.
(Yes, the boys do too.)
I’ve had women tell me in advance when the check arrives waiting for the man to pay. I don’t care about that (as long as it’s done in a way other than Diva).
But I’ve had one too these same women discover me right after paying for the appointment. Which isn’t great in my book. I’ll bet they knew they weren’t interested to date.
So if you have this situation, maybe it would be better insist on paying your half and let that be the first clue you don’t like so much. Doing otherwise is the kind of thing that leaves a bad taste in the mouth of a man who was happy to provide.
You can always give clearer signals later. But if you first accept his generosity, then you will confuse things.
So let me make it clear to you the rules for this situation:
RULE 1: I firmly believe that the boys should pay for the first date …. (If he asked you out, he DEFINITELY pay)
RULE 2: You should not pay the date at least until date no. 3, where you have a good idea of where you are going and what kind of man you have. Then you can take him to a coffee or something …
RULE 3: If you only pay half for dinner, you need to keep an eye on this relationship. Either you don’t care so much, or he’s not a man of solid male education. Neither which is good …
RULE 4: If you decide (during the date) that you to know you won’t see him again, you better insist on paying your half …
These rules are not difficult, and I think it makes a lot of sense when you think about it.
But not all rules about boys are that easy.
In fact, if you want to understand what makes men choose one woman over another, you need to know what men find IRRESISTIBLE in a woman.
Check out my short introductory video on how to be irresistible HERE …
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