Do you need to understand men better? Here’s why you should never call a guy who gives you his card when you’re there and what it really means. [Updated December 2021]
He gave me his card: what should I do?
How do you respond when a man gives you his card and says, “Call me.”
Whatever he says, I hope you don’t call him!
During my dating trip, I had several men who offered me their card. He was usually smart and just smiled. But once fateful, I was greeted by a very handsome boy who had moved here from Italy. Serious and sexy with the accent and style you can imagine. Oooh baby.
Common sense escaped me when I bravely decided to call him. The number he gave me was at his social club and when the waiter answered, I asked if Joe was there.
What a great time it must have been for him, every time a woman called him in this public place. The waiter announced, “Joe, another woman for you!”
Argghhh! I felt so incredibly stupid. But I cheered up and never called another guy at the beginning of the date. I learned to understand men the hard way, of course.
3 reasons why he would give you his card
1) He is lazy
Yes, giving your card is the easy way out for this lazy person. He prefers you to do the work. He finds you attractive and if you want to get started, he will accompany you. But he leaves it to you. Like I said, he’s lazy.
2) It has no game
Today he does not understand the dating papers and is confused. How could he not know that his job is to get a woman’s number and ask her out. This means that he lacks confidence and the typically innate drive to conquer masculinity.
As my shy husband puts it, “Any man worth knowing knows it’s a man’s job to invite a woman out and pay for the first date.”
However, we live in turbulent times and there are a growing number of men who now feel shy to be the persecutor. I wrote this blog almost 10 years ago (in 2013), and things have changed since then.
Today, more and more men have been hurt by women and rejected by divorce, relationships or dating. This is often behind men who are inconsistent and send mixed signals.
For these men, they first want peace of mind before you take the lead. They fear a harsh rejection, so they stand back waiting to see if a woman will show signs that she is interested.
Maybe he could still be a good guy even if you have to take care of him. To really understand men, you need to understand these nuances. In a minute I will share how to better manage this type of man.
3) He is a player
This guy doesn’t take you or any woman seriously and isn’t looking for a relationship. Distribute cards like candy just to see who will call. For him, it’s a great game.
And if you don’t call, another woman will. He really doesn’t care.
As you better understand men, you will see that the first and third examples are not men worthy of your time.
While I don’t buy the excuse of “it’s shy,” I’ll say that some men are disgusting and want some peace of mind first.
So how do you treat a man who asks you to call? The dating advice I give my love coaching clients is a simple script. “Oh, thank you, I’m old-fashioned and I don’t say men. But I’d love for you to call me.”
This feminine and flirtatious response lets this creepy guy know you like him. After that, if he doesn’t ask for your number, forget it because he’ll never do it.
The lazy person will probably not call, and the player who plays cards will not play either. This is how you separate good prospects from wasting time and how you can better understand men.
You may now know which of the three types is a guy who offers you his card. But this approach will continue to work with any of them.
Men understand: what your request means to him
1) Set a limit and let a man know what he must do to pursue you. If you are really interested, he will ask for your number and call you.
2) Tell him you know you’re the prize and if he wants you, he will have to invest his energy to win you over.
A little resistance works wonders for your convenience. It’s called sexual tension. This is so important instead of being too impatient, available, or in other words, indulging in a silver plate.
Some of my clients insist that they should call. Maybe he really likes the guy or doesn’t want to let a “good guy” get away with it. If absolutely necessary, call him ONCE.
However, do not ask or suggest that he meet because, once again, you end up in the driver’s seat, which is NOT the seat you want to be in when you start dating a new man.
When you start you have no leverage and you learn nothing about their true level of interest in you.
Understand men: don’t start!
Like it or not, dating is a game and you have to know how to play if you want to win.
To explain this a little more, think about ballroom dancing. There is only one team leader when you do ballroom dancing, so as a woman, you have to follow the man’s example.
This is also the benchmark for basketball to leave the ball on its court. Let him decide to take the ball and run with it to get your number, call you and ask you out.
When you understand men, you know that it is best to let the man start and pay for at least the first and second date as well. This is the ONLY way to know how much a man cares about you – in terms of chasing you and earning you money.
When you don’t lift a finger, you’ll see how motivated he is to be with you. On the other hand, if you start, you’ll end up wondering how much you like it, scaring why you don’t call, or asking you out.
Honestly, it’s up to you.
Want to learn more about men and their mixed signals? Get my free book His mixed signals are so confusing
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