It’s one of my main training questions: what causes boys to close emotionally and retire?
Look, it’s no secret that, in my experience, there are two things to which every relationship question comes down …
- How do I get my husband to do it WORSHIP, WORSHIP and APPRECIATE me?
- How can I get my husband to stop shutting down and withdraw from me? He is far away …
And if I’m perfectly honest with you here … and I always am – # 2 is pretty much the same as # 1even if you don’t seem likes on the surface.
Let’s be real here – It’s not easy to reach boys emotionally.
- It’s hard for us to read …
- We don’t always talk about our feelings …
- We even go as far as to hide much of our emotional content from you …
So yeah, I get it. Men look like emotionally distant.
But here’s the truth:
Men feel emotions as deeply as women. We only keep them out of sight.
FACT: Men are never rewarded for being “more emotional” or expressive. In the experience of most men, we never win if we are emotionally transparent to anyone. This is how we grew up.
So as long as you can THINK this is a flaw, you would actually get very tired of a guy who was excited all the time.
Trust me. I used to throw it at some women in my 20s and I realized they would lose the attraction for me in a few dates. Almost like a clock.
FACT: Men are not attractive when they are too emotional.
You know that. As much as you TO WANT a guy to be more emotional, you also know you would get sick of it really quickly. It’s okay with your friends, though no in a boy.
That said, I think guys need to know how to do it BETTER communicate their emotions to women.
And the truth is, we will share our feelings more, yes you do something first.
I’ll tell you a little bit about what this special thing is all about, but first, let’s talk about what makes boys emotionally close and cool off.
Why he goes away with you – REASON # 1: He’s overwhelmed.
Yes, you may have heard me say that once or twice. Boys don’t respond to women’s emotional expression in the best way.
Let me give you a quick rundown example:
After a few weeks of relationship problems, you have had enough. You’ve reached your limit and now you decide to have it with you. Suppose you just spent 15 minutes explaining your frustrations with him.
Hey, it’s easy “mount the rapids“of emotional purge when you finally feel free to express yourself.
THE PROBLEM: That leaves you with about 2 minutes of emotional tolerance to talk to you. You see, he only spent 15 minutes facing an emotional dialogue that has probably flooded his system.
It’s now completely spent keeping your act together while listening and holding your emotional container for a quarter of an hour. Surely you feel it GREATventilating all this anger, panic, fear and pain.
It feels like dog poop. And now he just wants all this to end so he can calm his emotional nerves with a game of Call of Duty on the X-box.
He feels it all in his body: A big one CLENCH which starts from the toes, works through all your muscles, the intestine, and then through the back of the neck to the brain.
It’s like a cat back in a corner. All he wants is OUT – in any way possible.
Which means you’re likely to get a lot of emotional out of him.
Recognize that you may need to split this emotional breakdown session into two parts …
- He begins by explaining that you have “a few things to get out of your chest.” Then do it. Quickly.
And then let it go.
Don’t force him to answer everything, or you’ll get the quickest and least useful information from him. Give him a chance to breathe, think about it and get back to it.
2. If necessary, set a time and date for the next half of the meeting. After give it time to recover.
And then extend the courtesy of not interrupting him, or you’ll probably see him locked up again.
Men need a lot of space to feel safe and comfortable enough to open your heart and their feelings.
As much as it needs to be expressed yours feelings A he!
Why He Closes You Emotionally – REASON # 2: Ignored …
Men are happy to listen to you and listen to what worries you. When we are in love, we have no problem with that. Your happiness is everything to us.
There is a saying in Italian families, and men say, “If you’re happy, I AM happy “.
It’s the easiest way a guy can express that desire to please you.
However … if we feel we can’t do anything to please you, we’ll close.
I know, you’re saying: “Carlos, that’s right no that he he can not do anything to please me, it’s … “.
YesI know YOU feeling that there is something I could do for you, but very often EMOTIONAL content of your conversation sends us the opposite message. Especially if you don’t feel like it EL is being listened to.
In short, this is the problem in 90% of all conversations between men and women in relationships.
Is HUGE. And in general, neither side has the feeling that they are really listening to them. Neither one side is under attack, or the other side he is defending too hard.
Just visit from time to time and find out where your head is so you don’t feel overlooked. And it won’t shut you down.
Why he walks away from you – REASON # 3: You’re too kind …
Yes, you heard me. You are too kind to him!
Guys don’t need you to be so indirect to tell us how we should form. We respond better to direct and clear communication.
Which you would normally do MAY talk to your friends. Women are conditioned to be very gentle and kind in the way they treat other women in their lives.
However, the more indirect you are with a boy, the most likely will interpret your request as “not a big deal”. Because you made it sound like … it’s not very big.
You have to be clear and direct with him. Don’t get waffled and dance around the subject as if she’s afraid she’ll get mad at you for being a little angry. he.
If you leave your underwear around here, TELL HIM: “Dude, what about nasty underwear? Throw your nasty bumps in your pocket …”
If you are not washing the dishes, cut the ribs a little: “Dude! There’s nothing clean to eat my candy! What am I going to do ?!”
Don’t bother him. You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people. Something I’ll show you here…
Just remember: no nag – However be disappointed. It will get your ass kicked.
He Doesn’t Answer You – REASON # 4: No Romance …
Look, this will surprise you a little, but when men are asked why they are no longer romantic, it usually comes down to one simple reason:
“She’s never romantic with me.”
Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. Do you remember those beautiful things you did when you first went out? Guys dear those things.
It’s a two-way street, folks.
On the other hand, if you’re breaking your back by being romantic with him now, cut it out. If you are doing it TOO a lot of work, he will think he has to do nothing. There is a comfortable romantic effort back and forth in relationships that work.
You will be amazed at how many women ask their husbands to show initiative, but never show any initiative of their own.
Remember that you control only you. The way we get others to do things is to meet their expectations as we communicate ours expectations.
When they’re not up to it, it’s time to move on. Don’t hold on to a situation that can’t be improved.
Why it gets cold and distant – REASON # 5: You don’t feel it desiredo respected…
Guys are really pretty easy to please. We only need two things to run our romantic engines forever:
- Men want to hear Respected
- Men want to hear Wanted
I’m sure you like them too?
Respecting a man is pretty easy. Just say we are appreciated for what we do.
Yes. Is that simple.
If he does something you like, tell him.
Like the rule with kids – catch him doing something right, and then recognize it.
What is recognized is repeated.
Which means it’s about to be the most delusional time of the year, as well. You can experience this now.
Sometimes we want to CAP recognition, so we settle for the negative … but that’s not what makes us open up to you.
All the relationships that work are built overwhelming positive communication. Which just means you’re talking more about good things than things bad things.
And the only reason people do it differently is if they have a habit of expecting less from their partner, and never asking for what they need.
It’s not usually that you don’t feel respectful or wishing with him –
You’re probably just wondering HOW a COMMUNICATE to him…
How do you do it FEEL desired and respected?
And you may be wondering how to order what you need.
Well, it is incredibly simple…
It’s all in the words you use with it.
You can cause any man to continue the persecution …
You can have him around your finger, just like he did when he wasn’t sure how you felt about him …
Learn how to activate your “search system” so that he wants you and not more you!
CLICK HERE to discover the secret love language of men …
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