Do you have a power struggle in your relationship? Power struggles in relationships are very common. Mainly because of people looking for their own sense of importance and a sense of control over feeling connected to their lover.
I recently came across this statement, which horrified me:
“What is being pursued has all the power in a relationship.”
You have to ask yourself … why would you want all the power in the relationship?
It’s not that he disagrees with the statement; in fact, I do agree with that statement; if they chase you, you usually have more power in the relationship.
BUT: power over what ?! And what kind of power?
Power over who is most vulnerable to harm?
Power (or control) over how much pain you may experience?
Power struggles in relationships are always related to one thing:
Because if you’re looking for power, you’re looking for control. And if you want to be in control, you have a fear of death.
Specifically, you are afraid of:
- Being hurt
- To be Abandoned
- Losing attention or approval
And none of this is more connected to your partner.
If you’re looking to have power in the relationship, do it for yourself, and you’re definitely not adding real value to the relationship.
If you seek to have power in the relationship, you will not build a deep emotional connection with your lover. Rather, you will build a relationship based on electric travel and frequent disconnections.
Which always results in toxicity and bad breaks.
So let me ask you this, from woman to woman:
Yes If you are being persecuted or have more power in the relationship, does that mean that as a woman you are guaranteed more happiness in that relationship?
I’m curious, though; what is the goal exactly of a person who thinks so?
(Click here for the “Am I dating a friendly man with the engagement?” Questionnaire)
Need for control and power will send you down a path of misery
So let’s find out exactly what a woman wants when she wants to be in a position of power or control in their relationship.
Does she want certainty? Are you sure that man loves you? Certainty that man is “worth” his time? The certainty that he passes the tests?
I understand. It is a woman’s job to “test” her husband.
We want to know that he will endure the difficult times and that he will be there for us when things get ugly in life. We want him to take care of us at the deepest level, and love us as no other man could.
This is natural. It is natural and normal for human beings to think of themselves; in fact it is intuitive.
However, aiming to achieve all control i all power in a relationship does not lead to healthy relationships.
It will not lead a woman to have an enviable love story, one that satisfies her and her husband.
MORE: How to get him to propose to you and marry without seeming to be of low value.
As we cling to our need for certainty; we will never find realization.
Realization does not come from maintaining power for ourselves and being on guard “just in case.”
How can our relationships reach their full potential and be lasting, if we set ourselves the goal of playing genuine mental games with a man ?!
I’m not against the game. However, it depends on the motive and purpose behind the game.
If it’s for fun, and you do it to be more flirty and fun-loving, there’s nothing wrong with playing a game.
But for women who are playing hard to achieve and aim to stay safe and in control; they will never find fulfillment.
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The need for power kills this important thing …
However, the same concept that a woman needs to seek power in a relationship it replaces his ability to love completely.
And if you can’t love completely, if you’re being watched and need control, what kind of relationship do you think you’ll have?
A horrible one where you feel constantly insecure and constantly need to avoid possible threats to your relationship.
This is because you haven’t been adding real value to the relationship, so deep down, you’ll always be scared, knowing that you’re showing yourself to be a fraud to the relationship.
Remember that men also want to feel loved! Just because they’re men doesn’t mean they’re immune to pain and they don’t need to feel loved and connected!
A man wants a woman who can give him love even if it is not perfect or when he makes mistakes.
The role of the female woman
Your job as a woman is not to look for more control. This is counterproductive for your feminine energy and your ability to love and connect.
I’m not saying a woman should sit there and be mistreated. Far.
I’m just saying a female woman isn’t out there looking for control. Femininity is flow, and it’s about opening up and giving love.
(Click here for the “How Naturally Feminine Really Am I?” Questionnaire)
Power struggles in relationships: What kind of power do you need?
My next logical statement (from this idea of having all the power in a relationship) is:
There are different types of power. I think we all want some kind of influence or power (or at least the feeling that matters, the feeling that we can influence the people who matter in our lives).
So what kind of power is good, exactly?
I think the power to get the best out of your man is good power.
I believe that the power to give love when we are afraid is the true power.
I think that the power to show our vulnerabilities it is true power.
I think the power to feel comfortable in our femininity and using it for the better is the real power.
Having the power in the relationship through being persecuted ends up being a bit bleak.
The “high” you get from being chased may not last long. A man will eventually (or sooner rather than later, really) get tired of chasing you.
Especially if you want to be persecuted to avoid vulnerability, and for the sake of, well, yourself.
Anyone looking for this kind of power is very short-sighted. They do not look to the future to see the possible consequences of their pursuit of power.
(What is the only specific emotional trigger for every man in this world that inspires him to WANT to commit to a woman, take care of her, adore her, and just her? Click here to find out now. .)
Being persecuted is great, BUT …
I think being persecuted is great, but not because of the kind of power that most people would want to be persecuted for.
Most people want power because they want to keep it safe and secure.
Many women do not seek to be persecuted for being playful.
MORE: How to be mysterious in a relationship.
Our true power lies in what we can give to others. It is not what we can give or save for ourselves.
I know I’ve been guilty of wanting to be the “controller” of a relationship, and that was a long time ago.
I finally realized that this is not sustainable. Relationships are not about having control and having all the power. Again, it is what you can give.
I don’t see any point in having a relationship if you can’t learn to give to the other person.
Recommended: The person who cares least has more power. Is true?
Real love makes you selfless …
When you truly love someone, and when you are really in love, it is quite difficult to have total control.
Because when you love someone so much and you really experience true love, you realize that it’s not about you anymore.
A human being who is genuinely in love would know that it is not about themselves. Because real love makes you so much more selfless. This is the natural state of love: self-denial.
So if you find yourself constantly wanting power in your relationship and want to be constantly persecuted, I have to ask you:
What are you really afraid of?
Do you even think that real love can exist? And if not, why?
Maybe you have some deeper issues that need to be addressed than just looking at how you can be what is being pursued in the relationship.
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets for your husband to fall deeply in love with you and I beg you to be his only one. These 5 secrets are in my new program. Click HERE to get a copy. Before let them run out!)
What is your opinion on power in relationships (and dating?)
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman and co-founder of Shen Wade Media, where we teach women to show themselves as a woman of great value who easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen on the blog Commitment Triggers, they have positively influenced the lives of more than 15 million women through their free articles and videos, as well as tens of thousands of people through pay-per-view programs. from the Shen Wade Media platform.
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