This 5-minute relationship record will transform your marriage

Checking common relationship errors to avoid

Finally, we talk about the possible pitfalls to consider. Otherwise, recording your relationship could start to feel like a chore, at best, and at worst, one more opportunity to discuss.

Don’t raise all your issues at once

Instead, choose something meaningful that you would like to address and trust that you will talk about it next time.

Don’t expect miracles

By itself, a relationship record will not solve all your problems. If you run into major issues or get stuck on a topic, it may be time to call external support.

Don’t forget to celebrate

Our brain is wired to notice what is there no working: it is called negativity bias. And while it’s helpful in solving problems and innovating, if left unchecked, it will damage your relationship.

Sometimes it takes effort to see things that already work, but it’s important to give yourself credit. Always find things to appreciate and celebrate in your relationship.

Don’t let it drag you down

If your check-in becomes a deep dive of an hour + each week, you may start to bother them, or worse, each other. Less is often more, so make it short.

Don’t criticize

This is not an opportunity to criticize your partner or point out all their flaws. If you have complaints you want to raise, clarify what you want and frame it as a request, rather than an attack.

(And if you need help having difficult conversations and managing conflicts better, check out our Connection conflict communication course for couples).

Don’t talk about “Life Manager”

Keep planning the things of daily life out of reviewing your relationship. If you need it, hold a separate pre-meeting about who brings the kids to school or what reforms need to be made. As the name implies, keep your relationship focused on your relationship.

Do not overdo it with alcohol

As tempting as it is to open an entire bottle of wine, too many good things can be counterproductive.

We’re not trying to be the funny cop here, we just know from experience that a few drinks too much can make the conversation more messy, not better.

Don’t forget the fun

When we started our relationship record, we combined them with tacos and card games. Did we feel like checking our relationship every week? You bet!

As our lives and weekly rhythms have changed, so have our records. We took them on coffee appointments, during an afternoon walk in the park and hugged each other on the couch.

There may be times when your records get a little serious, and that’s okay. But overall, you want this to be a time where you meet, connect, celebrate, and work consciously to make your relationship the best it can be.

And that gets to be fun!

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