There may be a temptation to use the fact that we have no limits to show how much we love and care for someone or how we deserve better treatment. We claim that it is our version of “unconditional love.” Sometimes, even this extends to using suffering to prove that we are a good person and to win over our needs, expectations, and desires.
Resisting boundaries by stating that they put “conditions” on people blocks us from the truth. What we are really avoiding is where we don’t want to have limits ourselves. It’s like a permit to mutiny or to continue to suffer without taking responsibility for our part in our discomfort and pain. We get to say that we are being “good” without paying attention to how this so-called “goodness” creates problems.
As uncomfortable as it may be for us to recognize, we are also trying to limit people who have limits with We. Our fear of boundaries and believing that they are bad or hurting feelings really tells us how We hearing people say no or expressing their boundaries with us.
When we avoid saying no, where are we already afraid to receive right?
When we are afraid to express boundaries, where are we afraid to accept those of another person?
If we think that boundaries mean loving someone ‘conditionally’, where are they? ours conditions? They’re in there somewhere. With what we hope to achieve or avoid no having limits? What do we expect from this person?
Unconditional love implies limits. By distinguishing ourselves from the other party and knowing and representing ours limits, the other person learns that the world does not revolve around him. They also learn who we really are (and us they are) because we enjoy a more intimate relationship.
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