The trap of casual connections and how to avoid it

Casual sex. A lot of people talk about it and even say it does, but it does in reality exist?

If you want to be able to distinguish casual dating from intentional dating and would like to get out of old patterns that can set you up in a casual trap with someone you like, this week’s video is a must. . .

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Matthew:

I think the idea of ​​casual connections is a bit of a myth in general, because there is usually one person who feels less informal than the other. I don’t think there are as many mutually casual situations as people say or think there are when they talk about connection culture. You almost always have someone who likes the other person a little more, or who has a little more secrecy, even if not mentioned, a little more hope that it can lead to something than the other person. And all you need is a little hope that it can cause something to hurt someone. That’s all you need.

It’s easy if you’re the person who is casual, who is really experiencing something meaningless, it’s easy to deliberately ignore that little hope in someone else, because you’re escaping something right now, because you’re feeling something that’s so fast. high in your life or a distraction from something in your life. It’s very easy to ignore what secret hopes another person may have for getting what you want. This is also very common.

And that can happen in both directions. It should not be the case that the boy is the one who feels more informal. It can happen in both directions. But it’s something that causes destruction on both sides for that reason, but it can also cause destruction to yourself because, like any drug, when you start overdoing it, you realize, “Oh, that doesn’t work. I’m trying to solve it through, it doesn’t work. “

Stephen:

The guys I’ve met who have gone through the phase of wanting to prove something to themselves. . . And I’m not saying, look, you’re going to have a great time having casual sex. It’s a phase many of us go through when you’re young. There are times when it can be great. The guys I’ve seen, who do it to prove something to themselves, finally bump into a wall where they’re either full of guilt, or if they get to a level of maturity, they realize I’m hurting. myself or other people here because I’m just trying to prove non-stop that I can do this.

Matthew:

Constantly demonstrating that I can do it, or constantly chasing a stop, or constantly distracting myself from my unhappiness in my life, or trying to constantly distract myself from what I really want, which doesn’t seem to be available. And I think what happens to a lot of people is that once you find yourself in this world of superficiality, it can be hard to get out of it because it starts to be what attracts you. If you’re in the way of finding quick wins, of finding the fast high, it actually becomes harder to figure out the reality. I really believe that.

Stephen:

Really?

Matthew:

Yes.

Stephen:

Some of these people will say that I am doing this until I find out the reality.

Matthew:

I think that’s an easy thing to say. I think it’s starting to disconnect you from what the real thing really looks like.

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Matthew:

Quick interlude to video. Whatever big goals you have, whether it’s for your love life or any other part of your life this year, I have something to help you. I’m doing a 30-day trust challenge that will start on January 20th with an initial live call designed to improve your confidence in a measurable way for 30 days. To be part of this completely free, go to MHChallenge.com. The link is also in the description. I can’t wait to see you there. Return to video.

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Matthew:

It is no different if you are used to taking drugs to feel good quickly, then you are detached from what you really need in life to feel good. What it really takes in life to feel good is much slower. It’s a process of waking up, doing the right things in one day, going to exercise, eating foods that make you feel good, that make your brain feel sharp, going for a walk, having a good conversation with a friend, connecting with what you are grateful for in your life, working on something difficult that requires effort, that after an intense hour of concentrating on something gives you a nice feeling of having done something difficult.

These aren’t things you want to do when you’re used to it, “Oh, I could take a cocaine shot and feel good in 30 seconds.” This is a different path. And if you are training your mind for this path, then your brain will not say, “Let’s look at the 24-hour cycle of what it will take to feel a healthy seven and a half out of 10 today.” This is much harder to do than just chemically inducing it.

Stephen:

Yes

Matthew:

The same goes for people in their love life, who are used to getting hit fast. When you’re used to getting hit fast, you’re not living in the world of what it takes to build a much more nutritious connection with someone. It’s slower. It’s slower than “Let me meet someone for a date and I’ll spend the night with him.” It’s a slower process, then they really know someone. This is not a roller coaster. This is me knowing someone. This is me creating a connection with someone. This is me coming to understand their values. They come to understand mine. Let’s build something together. This is a different process.

And if you’re not used to this process, if you’re not used to finding out who someone is slowly over time and investing in, and you’re used to a quick hit, let me simulate a connection, let me simulate love, let me simulate. . . What is love bombing? He’s coming in and simulating love, simulating an intense connection, dating for a week, playing with the love of someone’s life for a month. But if you’re doing this, if you’re used to simulating it and building these false highs, you’re not in the world where real love and real relationships exist. And the more you reinforce those patterns. . .

The same goes for micro-dosing someone. What we call microdosing; When you keep coming back to someone who hurts you because of these dizzying heights you have after putting on makeup and having sex and then arguing again, and then you come back and then they disappear for two weeks and you feel horrible anxiety, where are you? they, I will definitely lose them this time, and then come back and you have the vertigo of falling in love with them again. You get lost in this world and get divorced from what looks like a real, beautiful connection. This is the universe you know. This is dangerous for me.

When I talk about casual sex, I don’t come from a fair or puritanical place. I come from a place where I say it’s something that has consequences in the real world, whether you’re a man or a woman. And I think most people get to the same place sooner or later. Some people get there more slowly, others faster, but men and women get to the same place, that is, it doesn’t seem to work.

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Matthew:

This next video I leave you with is very, very important. Click here watch.

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Matthew:

And then every day we look for peace. Do you mean what you said yesterday? Will you really stay with me? Will you never really deceive me? We can never get enough peace of mind, and peace of mind must always be strengthened.

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