I received a question from a reader and would like to share it with you. He points out one of the most common situations in which a woman can be found …
LETTER FROM A READER …
Hi Carlos …
Thank you so much for your programs – they have helped me to really understand where men come from. Your articles are great, but your programs take it to such a deep and powerful level. I wish I had these Years ago... and you can bet I’ll make sure my daughter uses them too. (I have to give it a go!)
I have a question about guys and dating …
I am a single mom and have been actively dating for the past few months.
I wanted to ask you about a guy I dated and what you think …
We went to a wine bar by my side of town one Thursday night. I thought we got along really well.
He was sweet and friendly, but I stayed I wondered if I really liked them more than friends.
What do you think?
CARLOS ANSWERS “Do you like him better than a friend?”
Well, Marosa, this is a very common concern. And one that both men and women have.
This is always the big question …. Do you like it more than just friends?
I’ll have to admit at the outset that you didn’t give me enough to continue with the details here, but I can probably read it between the lines and help you out.
First of all, you need to realize that a relationship should only start in one way: With sparks!
When I say sparks, I don’t mean that you two should run to a closet somewhere on your first date because you can’t get your hands off each other … (even though that wouldn’t be bad .)
What I mean is that you need to feel this definitive push of the body towards this guy, and it needs to happen soon.
It can even be a little boring first date … as long as the fire is lit at some point in the first dates.
So all the advice you hear about giving it a second chance is right. You should!
As long as this guy isn’t obvious NO – You should leave the door of opportunity open for at least a while TWO dates. Maybe even three if you have some weird circumstances that make it difficult for you. Like I might have a bad oyster and have to run home.
Unless you receive one very clear message that he is no for you, give it a try.
My good friend Laura has been dating the sweetest guy for the last 6 months. She is a breath of fresh air compared to her ex-husband (who will soon be ex).
But this is often what happens in a relationship that gets worse. We bounce back to a person who meets us in the opposite way.
So don’t expect to know immediately if it can be the only one for you. It may take a few dates to realize that what you thought you wanted was not what you really wanted.
Now I have to tell you something else …
The feminist conspiracy!
Don’t worry, I’m not a politician here … I really like activating headlines.
There is no conspiracy, of course. But keep in mind that many guys are feeling the pressures of increasing gender politics these days.
It is causing many men to turn away, and to the side of caution. Although less than 5% of men there misbehave, we are all sorry.
So you might as well try not to look like all the examples of male misbehavior.
He will correct too much. And that will make it hard for you to find out if you really care or like it.
That also steals part of the fun and exciting mojo of those early interactions.
Be prepared to tell them in advance what your “gender expectations” are so you know how far you can go.
There’s a lot of hypersensitivity on earth (sorry people, now it’s just the US …) So acknowledge that men are on guard.
But what if he not more do you like it as a friend
Is here anything can you do that
There are … keep reading:
How to escape from the friends area
There is nothing as unpleasant as knowing that you like someone But you think they may have put you down in the friends area.
Ah, he Friends Area.
The definition of the friends zone is:
“In popular culture, the friends zone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wants to establish a romantic relationship, while the other it doesn’t. It is generally considered a undesirable situation for the rejected person “- SOURCE: Wikipedia
“Unwanted“is an understatement.
Some would say it is hellbecause you can’t get away from friendship, and yet you can’t validate your feelings.
If you leave, you’re left with the feeling of “what if?”
It’s a pity, whatever you do …
And it may surprise you, but this situation is one much bigger problem for men. It’s one of the most frequently asked questions when I was advising men.
But this is not to diminish feelings women they also have when they experience it.
Then how to escape from Friends Zone?
The first thing you need to do is not let them get against your will. Somehow, the Friend Zone is a test to see if you’re going to fight for it.
Will you be the gentle, shy girl who follows him like a famous Chihuahua in love?
I hope you don’t …
I know there are a lot of lame advisors out there who will tell you that you should stay and hope they are desperate enough to give you a chance.
I mean, in time it will get drunk and if you are out there and you can take it home, you will have your chance!
Uhm. Well …
That’s pretty big YES.
Of course, most guys will end up succumbing to this temptation, if at all no in a relationship. But you can’t count on it.
You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people. But it also doesn’t compromise your feminine need to feel wanted.
You have to be willing to do that push him a little towards your love, and then be willing to do it to leave if it doesn’t work.
I will not deceive you: you need a strong woman to achieve this.
But that’s what he’s looking for!
A woman who knows her worth enough to offer it, and then move on to find someone who is really committed to what she has to offer.
And you know what? YOU tin show him that.
If you know how to connect with a man in the right way.
You may have experienced this as well. This feeling of:
“What do you really want?”
It’s not just sex … It’s not just someone who is conveniently there for him …
He wants to see that you are a special woman, and he is looking for special signs that tell him that he has found her …
If you want to know more about the signs that you are their soul mate, enter here …
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