Sometimes love hurts. – Chloe dating tips

Relationships are social contracts. The complexity of the relationship increases the complexity of the contract, but even casual dating requires mutual understanding. It is how human beings develop a sense of security and safety in our environment. There are unwritten rules that keep everyone safe, right? Farting in an elevator is shit … we don’t really talk about it, but everyone knows it breaks a sacred oath. Make sure your breath is fresh before kissing on a first date, don’t leave a dirty microwave in a communal office space, don’t stick it in your pussy after you’ve been in her ass and you don’t fucking with other people when you’re in a monogamous relationship.

Sometimes people are an idiot. Sometimes the person you thought was your soul mate has appeared with other souls. Sometimes Karen, the elevator, doesn’t clean the fish curry that exploded in the microwave. Sometimes you get your pussy fucked after anal and now you have to deal with an ITU for a week. Sometimes he tells you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you while he shit at the same time all over your relationship fucking with a guy he met at a party two months ago. Coronavirus has put the focus on relationships. Problems that usually take months or years to come to light are coming to light after a few weeks of being trapped in a house with your partner, or forced distance is making holes in your relationship. Have you been to Reddit recently? It is full of stagnation and burning of relationships. This is by no means a final judgment message or an implication that your relationship is in trouble … but if it is, I have you.

Sometimes it just hurts. Love is complicated and fragile. Their survival depends on trust in the contract and trust in each other. If the person in your life has broken that trust, I’m sorry. If you’re playing scenes from her texting her while she’s in bed with someone else, or playing all the times you were stupid enough to think she was sleeping at a friend’s house, Stop. Distract yourself, watch a movie, talk to a friend, chew it furiously. She does not deserve a place in the space of your head and torturing you will not give you clarity or closure. If all the air seems to have been sucked out of the room, stop trying to survive with the last remnants of it and get out of this shit room. Take a deep breath of fresh air and focus on yourself. Maybe the relationship is over, maybe it can be saved, maybe it’s all a big mess in your head and you feel broken, lost and confused. Whatever the state of your relationship, you need to focus on yourself. Take a break, do a day or five of self-care. Get some clarity and find out where are you oh what you need. In the meantime, I’ve made a list of things you can do.

For when you need to lean towards anger:

  • Turn on your loud, nasty music and dance like crazy

  • HOT WINGS (what you do with them is your business)

  • Call your friends and get away with it. You may even be unreasonable about it.

  • Kill some dogs (on a PvP server of the game of your choice). Catch them shit too. And then shit on it. And then he waits for them to show up again and say, “Hey, so you know I shit on your stuff. A lot.”

  • Masturbate with a little hatred of your choice

  • If your relationship is over, get some virtual pussy (WARNING: THE REAL PUSSY CAN CONTAIN COVID-19)

For when you need to lean towards sadness:

  • Ice cream

  • Meditation

  • Yoga

  • Diary

  • Call him, man

  • Talk to someone you trust

  • Watch several Nicolas Sparks movies. Some where in the end she dies. Female dog. But you also miss her.

  • Play a game of grinding without a hitch while feeling very sorry for yourself

  • Read books full of hungry cock virgins with small cats and huge tits

  • Drink lots of alcohol and bitch friends + laughs late at night / tearful crossing

For when you are ready to reflect:

  • Allow yourself to feel what you feel, even when it hurts. Bottling and wasting it only works for a long time. You need to acknowledge the pain, validate those feelings, and make an inventory of where you are.

  • Create a boundary list for how you expect to be treated – a list that is completely independent of the relationship you are in. This is the contract you have with yourself. Don’t break it for anyone.

  • Talk to a counselor. There are several online resources available with licensed therapists.

  • And if it hurts and you need some pickup, send me a message and I’ll send you a picture of my new puppy. She is very, very pretty.




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