Growth, texting, and almost constant connection did not exist. If you called someone who wasn’t home, the phone rang, or you left a message in your voicemail or who you lived with. In other cases, I called and received the busy signal. And then I had to make my living. Or try again some time later.
Now, regardless of whether someone is available or not, we can log in to your phone with a message.
Depending on where we check, we can see Yes are online When they were the last in line and even what they were doing. And I think this has created the false impression that if we don’t get an immediate or quick response, it means they are ignoring us. Or, as my daughters say, they ‘emit’ us. Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. Apparently, the teens explain their lack of response or their slow response by saying they were “emitting” the person in question. Then, this creates anxiety about having done something wrong when, realistically, the person was having dinner or was not allowed to be on their phone!
Deceiving ourselves with the expectation that “a quick response is special” is that we feel clearly little special and ignored when that person’s response is slower than usual.
Associating how quickly someone returns our call or responds to our text with our self-esteem or how much they value the relationship plays into this idea that a slower-than-expected response occurs. because we did something wrong.
Text responses, in particular, are great sources of friction and tension in friendships and dating. As humans like to try to control the uncontrollable, we rely on rules and patterns. This means, for example, that we could set as a personal rule to always reply to text messages quickly, so we can expect the other party to do the same. Which, by the way, is not a real and healthy reason to answer a text. It then becomes, “A good friend should respond in X minutes / hours, not days.”
When we leave, we could make a mental note of the pattern of the text. Despite having sent text messages during what could be a relatively short (and intense) time, we are beginning to feel confident. If then we do not receive the usual good morning text or the usual number of emojis or closing, the anxiety to send text messages is activated. Next, we are spiraling out. We imagine all sorts of terrible things, even though we barely know that person.
The truth is that a quick response is not special.
Given the stress people face in modern communication, it can sometimes mean a quick response anxious.
It can sometimes mean boring, distracted, or running away.
And, yes, it can sometimes mean they were on the phone at the time.
It doesn’t to own to mean anything, however.
If we are about to measure frequencies and response times, we need to have an honest conversation with ourselves about what is really passing. We are trying to control something. Most people don’t want to feel that if they respond quickly, they are contractually obligated to do so forever to avoid being called a bad friend or negligent loved one.
Similarly, if a loved one takes longer than we would like to respond, that does not mean it is a bad thing. We must not begin to imagine all sorts of problems and injustices, especially because this says more about the lack of security in the relationship or the underlying potential tensions than about the response itself. When we tend to assume or worry that we are being ignored, we need to recognize the baggage behind it. Recognizing this old pain will help us differentiate between the past and the present so that we can be kinder to ourselves with healthier boundaries.
And if there is is a problem, it is much better to address it than to get into a frustrating session of keeping the score with text ping pong. We know that there is genuine freedom and trust in a close relationship when a response sometimes takes time, and it is not a thing.
With new people, even if the lack of response or call can mean a disappointment, it means nothing. We as a person.
Now, of course, there are cases where people, both adults and children, ignore someone. But without receiving answers from anyone that day or being trapped in their lives it doesn’t it means they ignore us.
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