Separate appointments: answer guide, tips and resources

Whether you’re separated or legally separated, you may be wondering if this is the right time for you to return to the dating market. As you can probably guess, this is a pretty delicate topic with so many different things to look at.

And if that’s something you can do, how do you manage your appointments while you’re apart? Where you going? What problems might you encounter?

In this article, we will answer all these questions and more. If you’ve found yourself separated and wondering what the next step or options are in your romantic life, let’s get down to business.


Women holding a wedding band

Can I go out while I’m apart?

Before we talk about anything else, we need to talk to the elephant in the room: Is it okay to have an appointment while you’re away? And while we can’t answer this question for everyone, we can give you the information you need to make that decision.

Here are five things to keep in mind when answering this question

It is important to note that the term separate is in fact a legal term in the eyes of the law. And before we go any further, this guarantees that we are not lawyers and that you should really ask this question with a lawyer in your state if you need a specific answer.

That said, here’s what we found during our research. The term separation refers to a state of relationship that you obtain by working with the judicial system. You literally have to go to court and go to court to be legally separated. It is a step between together and divorced that has different implications depending on the state in which you live.

When you are legally separated, you should have no problem dating someone else. Again, confirm this with an attorney, but you should be free and clear to do what you want in most states, as long as you comply with state rules and everything set out in your separation agreements.

If you are NOT legally separated, you will not break the law by dating another person. However, what you do in the eyes of the court could be used against you in divorce. They don’t care if you and your spouse have an agreement. In the eyes of the law, you will still be married, and they would see you as someone facing their spouse.

Again, we are not lawyers, so please do so with a lawyer. That being said, the conclusion of our investigation is that if you are legally separated, you should have no problem dating another person. If you are not legally separated and only separated, you are likely to take a risk if you choose to date another person.

Maybe you’re together again?

Outside of the legal ramifications of dating while separated, there are moral and relational ones to keep in mind. If you’re separated and just “take a break,” going out with other people is probably a bad idea. However, if you’ve made it very clear that you won’t be meeting again, going out with other people may be a good idea (depending on everything else we’ve talked about).

Are you ready?

And on top of all that comes the most important question of all: are you ready to start dating again? If you are separated, there is a good chance that the split will be recent. No matter how hard you are or how friendly the separation was or how bad things went, it will weigh you down emotionally. Make sure you’ve given yourself enough time to process, treat, regret, and overcome things before you start involving someone else in the process.

Is your spouse ready?

While you may not be able to live your life based on how another person feels, this is a unique situation where you may want to consider the other person for two reasons.

First, consider your feelings. If you live in a place where they will see that you are dating other people and this will affect them emotionally, you may want to wait until you get divorced.

Second, consider the crazy factor. Is someone going to lose their bullets if they see you dating someone else? Obviously, life has to go on at some point, but again, it’s worth thinking about waiting until you’re completely divorced.

Both factors become much more important if you are still living together. Keep that in mind.

Consider your family, friends, and coworkers

Lastly, consider how the people around you will feel about you. Yes, we are advocates for not worrying about what others think or letting this dictate your life. However, again, this could be a unique exception. Many people, especially those who truly believe in the sanctity of marriage, may mistreat you for dating before divorcing you completely.

Again, this will be something unique to your situation.

Is cheating up to date while you are separated?

One of the most common questions we hear from people who are separated and people who are interested in someone who is separated is whether or not dating is counted as cheating.

Here is our opinion. It depends on the disposition of the people who are separated. If they are separated and there is no chance that they will be together again, it would not classify us as a trap. The relationship ends effectively, except in the eyes of the law.

However, if they are separated and just take a break from the potential to get back together, these relationships are not over. In that case, it would be a trap.

The easiest way to release some of the stress here is for the person who is separated to have an argument with their spouse. A simple question about whether or not they agree to go out with other people solves the dilemma fairly quickly. They don’t have the last word if you’re legally separated, but it’s a good gesture if things are friendly.

Where to meet singles while they are apart

Getting here means you’re comfortable with your situation and dating while you’re away. As much as it’s probably not ideal for a relationship to end, it’s exciting to think that a new one is about to begin!

If you’ve been out of dating for a while, you may be wondering where to find singles. Well, the biggest change in the last 5-10 years has been the growth and acceptance of online dating. It’s no longer the weird thing that desperate people use. It’s the most efficient and amazing way to connect singles who have the same ideas.

Do you want to try it? We highly recommend it. Below are some of our favorite online dating apps with some free trials that will let you dive in and see if it’s something you’ll enjoy. It’s the easiest way to go back and find someone new.

Tips for successful dating when you’re apart

  • Don’t start going out until you’re ready. – If you’re not emotionally ready to go back, don’t do it. There will be many singles in a few months or even years.
  • Separate legally first. – Although we are not lawyers, we can share our research that getting out before legal separation can put you in a difficult situation when it comes to your divorce. Think about your options with your lawyer before going back to things.
  • Take things in stride and try not focus too much on the problem. – When you decide to go out again, it’s exciting! But we want to warn you to take things in stride. You haven’t been out in a long time, and there’s no good reason to rush.
  • Do not rub it in the face of your spouse. – Even if your separation and eventual divorce are not friendly, it’s never nice to start a new relationship from a place of revenge. Don’t use your new love interest to get your ex back. And even if things are friendly and they say they don’t care if you’re dating someone new, keep your new love interests private. It’s better for everyone.
  • Consider children. – If there are children in the landscape of separation, things change. You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people. If young children see you with someone new right away, it could have unwanted effects on them.

Frequently Asked Questions: Dating while you’re away

How long should you be apart before you leave?

There is no set amount of time to separate before you start dating. The answer to the question depends on where you are emotionally, what your plans are with your ex (being together again, divorcing, etc.), who else might be involved in the situation (children, family, peers etc.), and what your overall goal is. This could take only a few days after being separated, a few months, or even years in some unique marginal situations.

Can you commit to separate?

Technically, you can. However, we probably advise you to manage your previous relationships and business before committing to something so serious with someone new. Again, it’s up to you, but this avoids most of the potential headaches and problems.

Is it better to divorce or separate?

No one can answer this question except you and your spouse. If there are chances that you might want to consider getting back together, maybe you are separating instead of divorcing? If you know things are over, there may be no reason to stretch them. You will need to make that decision with your spouse. If you are still unsure, consider talking to a professional who can help.

Can two separated people go out?

Yes, two people who are separated can go out. Again, we encourage you to read our list of things to keep in mind before doing so.


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