In this episode, Nischa Phair helps us reconnect with our sexuality after being in an unhealthy relationship.
Nischa Heron Phair is a sexual trauma-informed author, researcher, and educator who believes in genuine sexuality as an antidote to sexual perfectionism: the silent killer of intimacy that makes us have sex instead of experiencing it in a way. that he feels really incarnate. She works almost exclusively with surviving women and those who are recovering from unhealthy relationships to help them regain a nourishing, authentic, soul-aligned relationship with the pleasure that will help them live purposefully in all areas of their lives. .
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- Why Nischa became passionate about sexuality
- How unhealthy relationships affect and injure a person’s sexuality
- What is breeding?
- How flattery affects people in the long run
- How to regain sexuality after an unhealthy relationship
- How the pandemic affected our relationship with pleasure
EP 493: Nischa Heron Phair – Reconnecting with Sexuality After an Unhealthy Relationship
Please tell, whats the story of them big puppys …..
I have been doing somatic body work for over a decade. I started specializing in sexuality after starting my sexual recovery process. I ended an abusive relationship in 2014. I used to feel comfortable with my sexuality despite having a lot of sexual trauma. After that relationship, I was afraid to touch myself. I was emotionally and physically closed. I had a dream where I had an orgasm and woke up with my sexuality. It took me a few months to feel safe with my body and compassionate with myself.
How do unhealthy relationships affect and injure a person’s sexuality?
When we are closed, responses to stress are not separate from the accompanying behaviors and thoughts. We avoid harm by staying where we are instead of fighting or running away. Fawning is closing. It is not an option. It is a physiological response. Please don’t be ashamed that this happened to you. It is an unconscious choice. When your body is in shock, it shuts down. We may have digestive problems, depression and more over time.
What is breeding?
It is a response to stress in relationships. When we are in insecure relationships, it appears. Thanking people is a way of flattering them. It represses our true needs and desires, so that we can be loved and accepted. We lose connection to our language center. We push our limits and become smaller. We get lost in the relationship and their turns become ours, because that’s how it’s easier. Sex is very vulnerable, and the worst thing is to open up to our partner, and they don’t know or criticize us.
How do we stop rejoicing?
Create a clear table and choose partners to help us have genuine and secure relationships. Find someone who appreciates our courage and worth. First I work with people on their body. Your conditioning is in your body, not your head. We need to recondition our body to know what to do in times of intense stress.
I also do voice work and movements with clients to reconnect. See how babies feel when they learn to use their voice to cry and vocalize. With this we need to reconnect if we want to stop tanning and have healthy relationships.
What can people do to regain their sexuality after an unhealthy relationship?
We need to reshape our body from a cellular level. Our bodies feel insecure and close after unhealthy relationships. Dose your senses with beautiful sensory information, whether it’s having essential oils or flowers, using self-touch, to reaffirm that the world is safe and it’s okay to receive it. In unhealthy relationships, we pay for our pleasure with pain. We need to recalibrate our senses.
How has the pandemic affected our relationship with pleasure?
When our body is closed to the world, we are disconnected from pleasure. When we were closed, we lost the connection. It’s a trauma we don’t know how to process. People feel more easily activated. In terms of pleasure, some people struggled a lot, because of the workload imbalance in relationships, negotiating small spaces when working from home. There are many things that need to be balanced and fixed. If we are in stress management, we have no access to pleasure.
What are your latest tips for anyone who wants to go on their last date?
Define your sexual values and eliminate people sooner if they don’t have the same values as you. To find out your sexual values, define what excites you, what your integrity is, and the sweet spot in the middle reveals your sexual values. Become your ideal partner.
Watch this episode on Youtube
Connect with Nischa http://nischaphair.com. Go to their website to get their new book, Fawn: When it doesn’t seem like it.
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