How is it rebuilt after the breakup?
A lot of people say you have to be alone. You have to learn to love yourself. You need to heal.
I talk to people who tell me they’re not ready to jump into another relationship.
Dating experts will tell you that if you dive into another relationship again, you will simply repeat the same patterns.
This all sounds like good advice … but what if there was an even better way?
Because here’s the problem with this way of thinking: it gives reasons to isolate and close emotionally. The logic is that if you open your heart, bad things will happen, so don’t open your heart.
I see people who, after a breakup, stay single, stay away, stay emotionally asleep, stay depressed. They turn away wonderful people and beautiful connections because “they are not ready.” This is not healthy. This is not healing.
If your goal is to heal. So what is the most efficient and effective way to do this?
Here’s what to keep in mind: emotional wounds heal from being loved.
When we open our hearts to consciously love our old wounds and negative patterns, new love enters and fills that wounded space with the healing power of love.
Opening up to love brings joy to places where pain used to dominate.
The emotional power and energetic happiness of loving affection literally change our neural patterns and our physical biochemistry. Our neural patterns reconnect from the thoughts of intimacy that lead to lovelessness, to the understanding of intimacy that leads to joy. Our endocrine system stops the slow dripping of cortisol and stress hormones and is flooded with serotonin and oxytocin, chemicals that produce a sense of confidence, security, superior reasoning and creativity, as well as physical well-being.
Keeping our hearts closed to those old wounded places does not heal! It simply consolidates lovelessness.
The trick is to open your heart to love in a new way. You have to open your heart in a state of consciousness of your subconscious, and with the ability to embrace a new reality. You need to open your heart with an understanding of how to create a generative connection.
Finally, even when you have awareness and skill, opening your heart after a heartbreak is still scary. The mind will still say “WHAT IF THE PAIN HAPPENS AGAIN ??”
That’s why you need courage and support. You have to face your fears and master them with love. You need to invite skillful reflection and the support of qualified sources.
Learn, grow, love.
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