So you’re looking at your dating profile and wondering what you’re doing wrong. Probably a lot of things, but one of them is almost certain that your profile is full of qualifiers.
What is a qualifier, you may be wondering? Well, buddy, it’s a great shooting squad that tests your dating prospects. A qualifier is anything that matches your potential perceive be an expectation put into it in order to qualify to match you.
There are direct and indirect adjectives. Direct qualifiers tend to be more harmful, but indirect qualifiers are much more common. A few weeks ago we talked about the first, and today we will focus on the second.
The problem of indirect qualifiers
The goal of your dating profile is to create a broad network to attract as many high-quality matches as possible. An indirect qualifier is anything you add to your profile that reduces the reach of your network. It’s important to remember that most women work from an abundance mindset when they’re in dating apps, so they slide left quickly and frequently from the slightest sign of incompatibility.
It’s a small difference, but girls who don’t like rock music will slide to the left. They have so many potential matches that they are actively trying to lower their match rate. They can’t slide to the right all the guys they might be compatible with; They will have hundreds of matches, and it is impossible to have a conversation with so many people.
Instead, they choose profiles, looking for a reason to slide left. If you hate rock music, it gives you a reason to move to the left … but once it gets to know you and invests in you, your different musical tastes won’t matter. As a girl who has had hours of opera for her boyfriend, trust me.
I understand, I would suck Patrick Rothfuss’s cock for how many hours / weeks / months it took him to finish The KingKiller Chronicles if he wanted to close the lives of the fictional characters I’m in love with a bit. But obsessing over your favorite things in the world is best reserved for when you’re getting to know each other, not when you’re 1 in 200 potential matches that are quickly moving on to your lunch break.
I’m vegan, but it’s not something I would ever put in a dating profile because the word comes with so many assumptions. People may assume that I’m pretentious, that I might try to ‘convert’ them, that I’ll make long diatribes about killing animals, or that I’m just looking for other vegans. None of this is true. I am allergic to the protein in most animal products and am lactose intolerant, which is basically equivalent to veganism.
Other examples of indirect qualifiers:
Holding a fish in your photos
Photos of you in cosplay
Photos of your drink in a bar
Photos of girls hanging on to you
Indicate the likes / dislikes of any topic that people are passionate about
Declaring that you like to do anything every weekend
Each rating on your profile further decreases the reach of your network until you finally only catch the tadpoles by the water’s edge.
But wait a minute, isn’t that unfair?
If it goes to your left because you wrote that you love D&D on your profile, then you can get off your pedestal and go to shit, right? As a changing circle of the druid of the Moon, I understand the outrage. Give me a minute to explain.
Okay, close your eyes and imagine you’re buying a new coffee maker. The store has about 100 options because it is a special type of store that only sells a lot of coffee makers (just go with it). You will not spend tens of hours researching each one carefully and you will not take them all home.
You’ll quickly narrow down your options based on what’s closest to you whatever you think you want. There are dozens of other coffee makers that could have worked just as well, or even better, than the one you ended up choosing … but it would have been incredibly consumed and very impractical to do otherwise. Now multiply these 100 coffee makers by 5 and change them to possible matches. This is what happens to most women in dating apps.
The problem of niches
I know, I know, I know. You just want to match people you’re really compatible with, right?
You might think it’s okay to talk about your favorite video games, your obsession with Black Sabbath, or your love affair with Pad Thai so you can find a compatible partner. You are not looking cap girl … what are you looking for the right girl.
I get it … but you’re still wrong. The problem with trying to attract a niche is that a niche is, by definition, a small group of people. You don’t have to find a clone to find the love of your life.
My boyfriend is a sommelier who is thrilled to see the stage productions of Les Misérables, he refers to green beans as green bean, and is not so familiar with PC games that it plays with a trackpad and has no headset. I would never have hooked him if I had known any of these things, and he has become my favorite person on the damn planet. We support a million different ways, the most important of which is that we are equal to each other. He taught me to enjoy a little fantasy and turned him into a level 10 farmer in Stardew Valley.
What I’m saying is that if you try to attract niches, you’ll be disqualified from thousands of matches, including potential soul mate material.
Are the qualifiers okay?
The ratings are perfectly fine if you are 100% in agreement with losing access to everyone it does not apply to I to all people who would be offended. For example:
If you are a Muslim and you are only interested in dating people who eat halal
If you are a vegan only interested in vegans
If you are a recovering alcoholic and you are only interested in sober matches
If you are a parent, you are only interested in people who accept your children
It’s totally okay to mention these things in these cases. In fact, it is recommended. However, pay attention to the tone. Be kind and casual. You don’t want to look like you have a chip on your shoulder or you could accidentally scare the same people you’re trying to attract. There is a big difference between “Finding someone who understands that meat is murder” and “Vegan looking for someone with shared values.”
Qualifiers will almost always have a negative impact on your match rates, so leave them. I can’t count how many times my clients have gone from doubting the impact of qualifiers on their profile to singing my praises. Qualifications are a big problem and they can destroy your profile … but I’m also very important and I can fix you right away (see what I did?). If you want help improving your match rate, learning how to relate to your matches so that they respond to you, or want to get a gift card for a friend, don’t be afraid to get there. out.
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