I’ve heard the phrase “fear is a powerful motivator” a million times … And it sure can be. If you are trapped in a burning building, the fear of being burned alive can push you to crawl out the window to climb the outer wall. The fear of drowning to death will make you hit your body against the furniture, the broken ribs will be cursed. But fear can also make us stupid. It can make us selfish. And it can paralyze us. To be honest, I think all that “fear is a powerful motivator” sucks.
How does fear affect us?
Have you ever heard of the instinctive drowning response? Basically, when a person is about to drown, their instincts take over and they push. literally anything down to keep your head out of the water. A mother will instinctively push her son, a husband his wife, and even the rescuer is in danger of being pushed. Lifeguards are often advised to wait until the drowning victim begins to sink before helping her to prevent her from drowning.
What I am saying is that fear is selfish. It brings us back to our most primary instincts. Our only motivation is to survive. Fear often makes us shitty partners, shitty friends and shit with people trying to help us.
In most cases, fear is not a powerful motivator. It sucks powerful.
The illusion of security
How does this relate to dating tips? Well, dating is a scary man. It is very easy to get caught up in a network of fears because you are too afraid of vulnerability, rejection, loss or insecurity.
Making an appointment profile may not give the results you are looking for, but how is that better than not getting any matches?
You may be rejected when you make an appointment with someone, but is it more important to avoid rejection than to find a partner?
You may fall in love with someone who ends up leaving you, but is this pain really worse than living without love? The answer is unequivocally no.
One foot in front of the other
I know my blogs tend to be upbeat and full of laughs, but this year has been really tough guys. It has been hard for all of us. Most of us have been touched by the loss this year and probably all of us feel vulnerable and a little raw. Hopefully, we survived a pandemic and probably loved someone who didn’t.
My message today is: If fear holds you back, fight it. Most fear is not based on reason and collapses under scrutiny. Living with the terror of losing the person you love does not make it easier to lose, protecting yourself from rejection through isolation will not make you feel less alone, and living so prudently that you will lose your life will not protect you from repentance.
Please trust me when I say fear will never be as powerful as grief. Nothing is as powerful as grief. Lamenting is agony.
It’s the start of summer, we’re all getting vaccinated and it’s a good time to start all over again. Take a deep breath and take a small step forward. You have this;)
If you want to get back in the dating world and need some help, feel free to get in touch. I’ll fix you.
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