Love Bombing 101! What is Love Bombing?
Is it a GOOD IDEA or SUPER DOUBLE?
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is basically using all the languages of love to sweep it away!
But! And this is critical …
Depending on whether you come from a place of despair (low value) or discernment (high value) determines whether it is a good idea or a super bad idea.
You see, good gentlemen, it’s not really about what you do or say, but about the mentality behind these actions and words that cause you to intrigue it or turn it off completely.
The bombardment of love is when you fill it with affection, attention, compliments, kind acts, and even gifts.
You basically throw all the love language at him.
What are love languages?
Love languages are the way people express and expect love.
Normally, we each give and receive what we experience as love in five different ways, which we will address in a moment.
Love Bombing: Good idea or not so much?
For love bombing to be a good thing, you have to do it without chasing or drowning her or she will feel instantly turned off.
“But Anna, that sounds too complicated. I’m out.”
Oh, people of little patience, stay with me, it’s not as confusing as it sounds.
Narcissistic love bombing
Some of you may have learned the term “love bomb” if you’ve never dated a narcissist.
And if you did, you would naturally be a little suspicious that love bombings are a good thing.
Narcissists often use the bombardment of love to regain the affection and attention of someone who has had enough of their selfishness and emotional abuse.
Narcissists use love bombing to manipulate!
Healthy love bombardment
Love bombing in itself is not bad; it is about the mentality, intention, and character of the person doing the love bombing.
In fact, to keep a goalkeeper, you’ll want to love her forever afterwards.
And she should do the same for you! Relationships require effort.
Love bombing is not a constant fire. These are random “once done” strokes.
Scarcity = value.
The more often you do something, the easier it is to wait.
So chance increases the value of each love bomb mission.
“You’re missing me, Anna!”
Okay, okay, let’s look at some examples to make it clearer …
First of all, what are the basic love languages?
5 Languages of love
- Physical touch
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
We often don’t realize that the person in our affection has a different language of love than ours because in the courtship stage we tend to show them all.
Then, as time goes on, we move on to what is our own typical love language.
If you need acts of service to feel loved, but she longs for quality time, even when each of you expresses love for one another, the other person may not feel it.
She appreciates when she makes you her favorite dinner, but she is grateful when you offer time without being distracted and focused on her.
So you tend to do nice little things for her that she often doesn’t even seem to notice.
But at the same time, try to shut yourself up to spend time with her when you have a thousand more things to do.
You drag her with you to do these things, thinking you’re spending time together, “isn’t that good enough?” But she doesn’t focus her attention, so she gets in a bad mood or bows.
We all tend to assume that others experience love in the same way we do.
So take her on a date thinking she’ll appreciate your kind service, but you’re on the phone all the time making appointments or whatever.
She feels frustrated that you are distracted when you can take advantage of “being together,” even if you don’t speak or do anything specific.
Let’s say your love language is words of affirmation, so they should tell you that she loves you or is proud to be with you or whatever.
You need this kind of praise.
And her love language is gifts.
He buys you things you don’t really need and thinks they’re a waste of money, but he never expresses the sweet things you’d rather have.
If you stay with me to the end, I’ll share my true story of opposite love languages with a guy I dated.
What to do
Make sure you know your partner’s main love language, and then make sure you express your thoughts in their language.
Also, let her know which one is yours and ask her to try to express love to you in your main love language.
There’s a little quick test you can do to find out what your languages are.
The languages of love count!
We usually have more than one loving language, but they tend to be on a scale from the most important to the least important, or even unwanted.
I don’t like receiving gifts. It makes me feel like someone wants something from me and / or forces me to get something from them. Receiving gifts seems shallow and commercial to me.
But for someone whose main language of love is gifts, it is not so much the cost of the gift as the meaning of the gift and his attention in choosing it.
So is love bombing a good idea or a super bad one?
Again, it depends on the intent.
Manipulation, not good!
The bombardment of love just to get something (affection for you, forgiveness for you, you owe me) is selfish and super bad.
But the bombardment of love for the purpose of giving something (affection for her, forgiveness for her, I appreciate you) is selfless and very good!
Make sure you are in a place of love and responsibility and not a place of fear and despair if you love bombing it.
He may not be able to articulate why one feels different, but he will feel it and know it.
My story of bad communication in the language of love
If you read my memoirs, you know I went out with a rich guy once.
To be fair, at the time, he was doing a bank in real estate sales (though, he wasn’t very close to his income).
But even though we were out for over a year, I had no idea he was really worried about me.
Her main love language was the acts of service, which is my second least important. (Gifts are not only unimportant, but also awkward).
My main love language is physical affection followed by quality time.
My two main love languages were less important and uncomfortable for him! (It also had little value for affirmation words or gifts.)
He never told me that he loved me and that he would never hug me or hold my hand.
I never felt loved by him. In fact, I felt deeply not loved for him.
It was only once we separated that I discovered that he loved me and planned to ask me to marry him.
Then I remembered we had an argument because I told him I would never wear a horn diamond ring, which I guess he would have wanted.
But when I almost got stuck in Seattle after my next boyfriend suddenly went to jail (see memoirs) and was trying to flee the United States to return to Canada, I ended up calling my rich ex-BF.
I know, creepy factor: 10, typical woman! (That was over ten years ago, by the way.)
Anyway, at least I didn’t go down without explaining myself first.
He was a busy guy running some companies, so I was surprised by his offer, but looking back it’s clear that his love language is acts of service.
Mismatching love languages
If her love language had been gifts, she would have offered a plane ticket.
It would have been more affordable considering how much your time was worth. (I wouldn’t have accepted it, anyway, because the gifts are last on my list.)
But he didn’t say, “I wish I could hug you right now,” which would have been more meaningful to me.
Ultimately, our beliefs and values did not coincide, but we did not understand at that time how important the differences were in our loving language and how these differences contributed to neither of us feeling loved by the other.
If you are in a relationship, knowing your love language and your partner’s language will help you to repay them in the way that matters most to them.
And it will help you get through difficult times.
If you are no in the relationship, knowing the love languages when dating will help you to detect the loving language of the person you are interested in so that you can love them effectively.
Without being needed, desperate or of low value.
Thank you for being here, God bless!
ps If you tend to be in need, desperate, or feel undervalued, my WakeUP2Luv program will help you immensely overcome those feelings !!
Yes, even in today’s crazy world!
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