If you have a long-distance relationship, you probably know that it’s a little harder than a normal relationship.
However, I want to make sure you have realistic standards and expectations about what you should really expect.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship, you can sometimes miss those red flags. And he assumes that this kind of behavior is normal, when in fact it is absolutely toxic.
As someone who had a long-distance relationship with my husband for four and a half years. I know what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone when you can’t see them all the time.
Communication is a little harder. You’re not sure when you’ll see them, or anything else that comes with being in a long-distance relationship.
And if you haven’t watched my other videos on long distance relationships, go see them here.
I will give you seven signs or seven red flags so that you can read them so that you can measure your relationship with the one you are now facing in order to decide whether or not your distance relationship has become unhealthy. .
1. Communication is minimal
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, communication will probably be a little harder. Because you rely on verbal communication, texting, calling, video, don’t rely on interpersonal communication.
Interpersonal communication is where you can be with that person in the same room, share energy, and not have to say anything.
When you are in a long distance relationship, you will have things that will interfere with this communication.
Such as different time zones, or not knowing the person’s schedule, or circumstances getting in the way, or just reading things differently than they send us, assuming and then not wanting to talk. no.
Communication is vital in a long distance relationship.
Obviously, communication is really vital in a normal relationship, but it is even more so in a long distance relationship.
You need to be able to make sure that you are constantly connecting, expressing, and explaining how you feel and your expectations.
Now, if communication is minimal, that is, you barely listen, text, or call maybe once a day or once every two days, and there’s no level of consistency, that’s a red flag.
Time zones get in the way and everyone can be busy, however, there should still be some level of communication about why that person can’t talk to you.
If they say, “Hey, I’m going to bed, I’ll send you a message in the morning.”
You shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to get some talk out of it. That you are constantly walking on eggshells without knowing when you will hear them. Then because they are not able to give you regular and healthy communication in this relationship.
2. They make ghosts of you when they fly
If you’re in a long-distance relationship, one of the biggest fears you have is not really knowing what the other person is doing, and that doesn’t necessarily help build a lot of trust.
If someone is constantly in and out, talking to you for a day, then you don’t know anything about it for a couple of days, and then talking to you again, basically what they’re doing is fantasizing about you. .
Obviously, this won’t generate much transparency and confidence, and what it will do is probably increase your anxiety because you’ll be wondering why they think they can go away in a couple of days?
What does it mean to be a ghost in a long-distance relationship?
- Does that mean they are not emotionally available?
- Does that mean they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are?
- Does that mean you’re not a priority?
It probably means a couple of these things that I just mentioned.
That’s why it’s so important that even if you’re in a long-distance relationship, and obviously there are different factors that will make it harder, you still have to set a standard.
You still need to understand what is fundamentally healthy about building a relationship, so if you are finally going through this phase of being separated from each other and want to start building a life together.
You know that not everything will break and you know that the person you are building this life with is on the same page as you. And this means that they will not only do the act of disappearing whenever it suits them.
3. They blackmail you emotionally
When we are in a long distance relationship, there can be a lot of emotions that are thrown away and a lot of things that are said in times of anger and pain, because we miss that person, we want to be with them, and it’s very hard.
We go through phases of wanting to break up, wanting to give up, and then we miss them a lot and realize that you can’t live without them. It may be a bit of a roller coaster ride.
And that’s why I’ll say, if you’re in a long distance relationship, you should aim to not do it any further.
You have to be able to work to really be in the same city, the same country, on the same page, and build a life together so that there is a certain unity.
Signs of a long-distance toxic relationship
If the relationship is toxic, then what will happen is that there will be a lot of emotional manipulation.
Things like this saying, “Well, you never call me, so why should I call you?” Or they may start dazzling you with certain things that are trying to make you think you did what you did when you realized you were really not doing anything wrong.
Any kind of manipulation or any kind of emotional blackmail in any kind of relationship is toxic behavior.
And if someone wants to use distance as a reason to manipulate you to do certain things or feel a certain way, I want you to know that this is a red flag.
4. They expect you to do all the work
Relationships require teamwork, and teamwork doesn’t necessarily mean you do the same 50-50 all the time.
Someone in the relationship at some point may have a greater ability to do more and lead the other person, and vice versa.
However, there should always be a level of some kind of healthy balance and definitely communication during this time.
But if one person is doing all the work, all the calling, all the organization and the other person just sits down and doesn’t make an effort, that’s a red flag.
You don’t want to start resenting the person or feeling that you are constantly being bullied and trying to make no effort if you are the one doing all the work in the first place.
Long-distance relationships require a real commitment mentality because they require more work.
You can’t just be a person who is committed to making the effort, you both need to be committed to making that relationship work.
5. Start close relationships with someone of the opposite sex or someone you think could be a potential threat to your relationship.
In a long-distance relationship, you obviously want to be intimate. You want to have that physical connection, and it gets really frustrating when you can’t because you’re in different countries or cities and you just can’t be with each other.
Let’s be honest, trying to be intimate or having any kind of sex on the phone or video or anything like a screen is not the same as having that connection in person.
And what I often say is that people will go and try to find that intimacy, connection, and energy of another person.
Are close friendships a threat to long-distance relationships?
It may not start with the intention of wanting to be sexual. However, they will want this energy and connection that they literally can’t get from you because of the distance you have.
If you suddenly find that your man is with girls all the time, having very close friendships with certain women, even if they are co-workers, this is a red flag. This is the behavior that you need to control and that you need to communicate about.
Someone who builds close relationships with someone else will really be a threat to your relationship. Because intimacy is not just a matter of sex to begin with. Intimacy is about sharing some kind of energy and emotional connection.
If you do it with someone else instead of you, then you will be more attracted to that person. And he will probably start withdrawing from your relationship with you because that requires more work.
6. Everything is always on its terms
This is almost a bit like blackmail as well. However, it may be reduced to the fact that they think they are always right. Everything has to be done the way they want it to be. Because they are struggling to be able to commit or be flexible in what the long distance relationship really requires.
What is a healthy standard in a long distance relationship?
By realistic standards, one may have to make a little more sacrifice than the other.
If you are in a long distance relationship and want to sit down. Where they make you do all the sacrifice, effort, work and everything that suits them. And where you have to give up your career, purpose, friends and family, which can be incredibly toxic.
A great relationship, whether it is a normal interpersonal or a long distance relationship requires teamwork.
It means both people have to get involved somewhere along the way. Both must understand what makes the other person satisfied. Be able to make this relationship healthy and satisfying for both people involved.
7. They constantly threaten to break up with you
This is quite toxic behavior. If someone constantly says they will break up with you. Then they are hot, cold, hot, cold, and you never know if you are going or coming.
You’re basically walking on eggshells or you have the feeling that it’s becoming an emotional blackmail. Which is a sign that that long-distance relationship has become toxic.
As I mentioned before, you will go through different emotions in a long distance relationship where you will be missed. You will find it very difficult. Love is very strong, and it can be a bit of a roller coaster ride.
I totally admit, I’ve been there.
If they threaten you with a breakup and manage to control you, they will never bring you peace or progress.
Toxic behavior in a long-distance relationship
If you’re dating someone and you’re using the word B, the word breakup. Every five seconds or so as soon as things get tough they start threatening to break up with you.
If things don’t go the way they think they should, they threaten to break up with you. I want you to know that this is a red flag and that you should not tolerate it.
I hope this blog has helped you. Don’t forget to check out my other blogs on long distance relationships:
- How to create this intimacy in long-distance relationships
- If you should even be in a long distance relationship, and all my other blogs too
Sometimes we include links to online retail stores. If you click on one and make a purchase we may receive a small commission.