Humanize online dating through conscious sliding

Careful sliding

As a dating coach and someone who has found her husband online (after several very interesting years of serial dating!), I honestly see dating apps as a gift. Its technology allows us to connect with geographically diverse people, with whom we would not cross paths in our usual routines or social circles. They also offer us a unique window into our vast, fascinating and multicultural world.

On the other hand, online dating has the strange ability to throw us into a whirlwind of negativity. Using these apps, most of which gamify dating to make them look “hot or not,” can make us feel like we are products rather than complex individuals, and can lead us to regularly question our own value.

Appointment fatigue

That’s why many people see online dating as a soul-sucking and dehumanizing process. In fact, several of my coaching clients are tired of dating. They report being depressed, insecure, cynical, bored, even angry when they use apps.

Let’s face it – there’s nothing inherently lovely about gliding hundreds of bathing selfies, pixelated photos of strangers in sunglasses, awkward group photos, and / or profiles of attractive people we don’t like or write about.

The problem is, dating isn’t a game; our hearts and narratives of life are at stake.

So is there any way to bring more joy and humanity to dating in our increasingly online world?

On the one hand, I always encourage people who are “diversifying their portfolio” beyond online dating and looking for opportunities to meet people with similar ideas in other contexts, such as social events, networking organizations, classes, festivals and meetings. These activities are invigorating and probably help us attract a compatible partner based on common interests and involvement in an activity that makes us shine.

However, completely eliminating online dating can result in missed opportunities, both to meet a great partner and to develop our relationship skills. For all its flaws, there are powerful ways to humanize dating apps, use them for our own good as well as for the common good! Enter Careful slide!

What is Mindful Swiping?

Mindful Swiping is a way to use online dating as a practice of awareness, one that helps us cultivate love, awareness, presence, equanimity, and genuine care for ourselves and others as we search. a romantic connection.

It’s not hard to do. Here’s how:

Step 1: Remember that your first responsibility and commitment is to yourself and your own well-being. No more scrolling through profiles while queuing at the grocery store or sitting in the waiting room of the doctor’s office. Instead, create one ritual time and space around your use of applications. You may want to designate a special place in your home that will make you feel relaxed, light some candles, listen to music, and tune in to the space of your heart. Take a deep breath. Connect with your intentions to share your love.

Create a compassionate space in and around you for the emotions that come out, so that they can be seen, welcomed and loved. Having at least one friend, coach, or therapist with whom to share your dating trip is also key to counteracting any feelings of isolation that may arise from using dating apps.

Step 2: Write one Bold and authentic dating profile which really honors you when you date online. Use the profiling process as an act of self-love. Have a friend or photographer take beautiful photos of you and practice a real expression of yourself when writing your profile text.

Step 3: Connect with the fact that there is a three-dimensional human on the other side of the app. Here is a soul, a heart, a body that yearns to be loved, with its unique path, traumas, fears, history and social conditioning. No one is “just a picture”; We all have a thirst for connection, belonging and respect.

Embrace that online dating is a wonderful opportunity to practice kindness-loving. Love goodness is a Buddhist meditation focused on sending love to strangers. Their professionals aim to cultivate inner peace, while building a better society.

You can do this with people you meet online by sending the following thought to each of them, no matter if you are initially disgusted or attracted to it: “As I want, to be safe, to be healthy, to live with ease and happiness.” Feel the truth of those words and send genuine goodwill to that person. Creating kindness from a difficult situation is one of the most powerful actions we can take to create a better world and a better self.

Step 4: Accept the result. Remember that cultivating your intentions, aligning your heart and your actions, and doing the work of looking for a partner will pay off, whatever the immediate outcome (or not). Dating apps aren’t the only way to get to know your special person, or create love in your life, but they are a fabulous field of practice. Bring as much intent as humorous detachment into practice and be kind to yourself, always.

In short, Mindful Swiping seeks to honor our own humanity and that of others, even in a context that usually lends itself to forgetting everything. Sending love to ourselves and others despite the negative emotions we feel is a powerful way to grow our own strength, resilience, and change the dynamics of online dating from feeling powerless to feeling empowered, to waiting. to be chosen to bring goodness to the world, and to feel like a victim to feel like a gift.

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