How to move from a casual relationship to a committed relationship

I recently posted a video on Instagram that went viral, receiving 200,000 views in a few hours. I hesitated when posting it because the topic was quite a “goal” and I thought it would be hard to understand. Obviously it resonated, so I wanted to share the concept with you.

The hook

When we meet, it is common for people to lead with an aspect of themselves. I call it “the hook,” which can range from using charm, good looks, intellect, money, wealth, status, or even being useful, as a way to achieve that someone likes them.

Often this is a quality that has been validated or rewarded since they were young. For example, if as a child you were constantly told that you were beautiful, you can use your physical appearance as the main attribute you rely on to gain romantic interest. You may devote a lot of time and energy to physical perfection, and even stick to impossible beauty standards because you have put a lot of your value into the look.

Or maybe your parents focused on your grades and accomplishments when you were a kid. You grow up thinking that success and money are what give you value. Then, when you go out, pay for everything, pamper the person with luxurious gifts, emphasize your success and success.

And it might work well: get a date or someone who is initially interested in you.

While this can help open the door to attract someone, it’s not what grows the connection into a deeper bond, because it’s an ego transaction.

Transaction of the ego vs. connection of the soul

An ego transaction it’s when we go out with someone just because of their superficial qualities. It’s also what happens when we lead with superficial qualities and don’t let anyone see who we really are. Instead, they are going out with our representative.

This type of connection is fickle because we can lose it at any time. To be honest, there will always be someone hotter, smarter or richer.

A connection of the soul, however, is when both people reveal who they really are, not just an improved version. They show their essence: their scars, their bruises, their history, all of them, included.

It is only when two people show themselves as true selves that there is a possibility of a connection of the soul to be created.

While people can always beat you, they can’t beat you.

Of course, I’m not saying that on the first date you suddenly reveal all your childhood trauma. Nor am I promoting the idea of ​​a single soul mate (hint: it’s a lie). I suggest that for someone to really create a bond that goes beyond a superficial attraction, you need more than the only aspect that opened the door. Relationship, trust, and bonds are part of a dance that happens over time and experience with someone, and requires letting someone see the other parts of you.

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