Dating a separated man can be very difficult. You will have to be patient for many reasons, but how long will you have to wait for it to fix, get divorced, and be ready for you?
Can you date a separate man?
The best answer I can give for dating a separate man is that it depends. There are so many variables and things that can arise in this situation. However, one thing is for sure: if you are not divorced, it will be complicated.
First of all, it depends on the personality of the man. How much life can you afford in the stream of being legally married, but not in a romantic relationship with your wife?
For some men, this is a huge burden and they need time to heal. This does not usually happen until the divorce is final, which can take years.
So if the guy you’re dating is still separated, you have a LONG COURSE ahead of you. This is your first red flag.
Another contributing factor depends on your ex. Is he a dramatic or civil and reasonable guy?
If he says she’s crazy, you’re probably in a relationship with him. It doesn’t matter if that sounds fair or not. When the ex is difficult, everyone is affected and pays dearly. This is a second red flag.
Some men have no problem seeing their children and having a life for themselves.
Others feel terribly guilty and, as a result, have to spend every waking moment with their children when they have them. Or be available to talk to them 24 hours a day, 7 days a day, without limits. This can create a total nightmare for dating.
What this means for you is that you will always be a second class citizen and you will never be first. This will show up in many painful ways and will never get better, so be careful if this is your situation.
Maybe you only see it on the free weekend or maybe not even that is guaranteed.
Forget about the usual things if you work on weekends, are passionate about your hobbies, or your wife spends more time with your children than stipulated in your agreement. This is a third red flag.
Dating a Separated Man with Children: Are You Ready?
No matter what you say, most men who are separated are not ready for a serious new relationship. If you agree with the casual, which means you’ll always see each other and not every weekend, it might work.
Not all women want a consistent and close relationship for fear that their independence is at risk. This can be perfect if you are not looking for a compromise.
However, if you want a committed relationship, weekend company, constant weekly appointments, you are out of luck when dating a separate man.
You will have too many things that will take up your time to offer what you want or meet your needs.
Also, emotionally, a separate man can’t stand much pressure. They tend to be sporadic in their dating efforts as they have too many priorities.
The romantic is not usually at the forefront even though they welcome female company and sex, of course.
How do you know if you’re not ready?
Once you know what to look for when dating a separate man, it’s easy to find a guy who is definitely NOT ready for the kind of love you want. I could say variations of the following when you first meet, so listen carefully:
“I’m not looking for anything serious, but I’m glad to meet you and see where things are going.”
“I need space, but we can get to know each other and see what happens.”
“I just got out of a relationship, but let’s get to know each other and see how things go.”
Turns out the men who say that are being honest with you. Initially, they are telling you that they do NOT want a relationship, commitment or anything serious.
They want something easy, without complications and without commitment, without expectations.
If you can handle it, great! But if in the background you expect to see how great they can be with you and change their mind, you are looking at disappointment, lost time, and possible lovelessness.
Going out with a separate man with luggage
The truth is that dating a man who is still married will always be a problem. They have a lot of luggage and no matter how big it is, it is a package with all these things from their marriage.
Only HE can decide to move on, reduce his losses, and start over.
Until you are ready to move on and become a priority, it will be full of excuses. He may feel too guilty to continue with the divorce, even though he promised and is close.
Or maybe she wants her freedom to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, including helping a friend, hanging out with other women, or watching football all weekend.
This can be a very selfish time for a separated man and he really NEEDS that time for himself. This is healing and gives you a chance to recognize yourself, just like anyone else after a divorce.
No matter how much you like it or say you like it, it has a family and emotional baggage that you will have to endure.
And that won’t be fun. Love is not enough to have a healthy relationship no matter how long you are willing to wait.
Going out with a separated man who lives with his wife
What could be worse than going out with a separated man who is still living at home with his wife? Sometimes she feels too guilty to leave, feeling that she needs it or can’t afford to sell the house and move out.
What a mess! How can this situation bring you anything other than heartache?
I’ve heard crazy stories about men agreeing to still go to family events with their wives or show a good front for business, regardless of having a new relationship.
How long should you be patient with a separated man?
So how long should you be patient with a separate man? It depends about how much of your life you’re willing to put on hold while waiting for it? How much time do you want to waste?
If your divorce is just a couple of months away from completion and there is a court date, it may be worth it. However, if he …
- He hasn’t even started the process: why wait for what could take years?
- It doesn’t live up to its promise and will often disappoint you, it won’t suddenly improve
- It was very nice for a while, but all that has changed: it won’t go back to how it was
- He doesn’t have time for the relationship you want – that’s him and that won’t change
- He has a million excuses why he can’t see you; things will not improve in the future
- He loves you and loves you, but that doesn’t make you happy, that won’t change!
The bottom line
Can you date a separate man? For sure. On very rare occasions, a man will end his divorce, feel ready for a new relationship, and commit to you for the kind of romantic couple you want.
However, playing the lottery makes more sense, as the odds of winning are better.
Please do not think you will be the EXCEPTION. I know so many women who lost the best years of their lives dating a separated man who promised to divorce.
Your separated man is NOT the only one for you, no matter how much he looks like. How can he be the perfect man if he is not free and available?
Keep this in mind: If you are just starting out on a date, please avoid separated men as potential partners.
Eliminates drama and pain. Why even start when you know this situation is 99.9% sure to be a tear?
Stop being patient and understanding. Instead, follow what you want! It’s about men who can’t love you the way you want to or offer the kind of relationship you’re looking for. Look for a man who is READY and AVAILABLE for the healthy relationship you dream of and deserve.
Are you curious about other big dating mistakes that can ruin your chances of love? Get my free book 7 serious dating mistakes
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