During the pandemic, I moved from New York to my hometown of Vancouver, Canada. I was looking forward to reconnecting with my old community of friends once the restrictions were lifted. I coordinated the dinners, welcomed people into my house and was the one who initiated the plans.
For a moment, I shrugged.
Oh, they’re busy. They have children, so it’s hard for them to get started. O
But I realized that even though they didn’t show up in the relationship, I was clinging to friendships because of the story. That would leave me resentful and disappointed. I have learned that history alone is not enough for someone to be in my life in the present and the future.
Our relationships require nourishment.
I stopped overdoing these friendships. I paused before impulsively trying to further carry out the plans. I told some friends how I felt and what I wanted. A few increased it and our friendship has grown ever since. And with others, I’ve accepted that they’re no longer part of my inner circle, and that’s okay.
Here’s what I’ve learned is the KEY to relationships: MUTUALITY.
Mutuality means that there is an interactive relationship between two people: a balance of energy and exchange. Without this, you are in a one-sided relationship with someone who is not in a relationship with you.
Make an inventory of your one-sided relationships.
For those of you who are the only one investing, take a step back. Stop taking three steps to make up for your lack of steps. Communicate what you want and give people a chance to take a step. If they don’t want it, you have your details
If you realize that you are not making an effort with those you love, take steps to encourage connection. Start plans, send flowers, tell them how much you care … do something, anything, and then passively wait for people to pass you by.
There is no such thing as no enough time. There is only one thing that you prioritize as important enough for your time.
Invest wisely. Love fully. ⁇
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