Friends often ask me how to approach someone. They tell me they don’t know what to say. They don’t want to be too aggressive or needy. They want to be ingenious and attractive. They don’t want to look stupid.
Sometimes they say nothing. I know guys who are so reluctant to look like the overly aggressive guy with unwanted advances that never come. Even when a woman is giving clear signs of interest, they remain closed.
Other guys struggle with self-doubt and get caught up in the analysis paralysis. Just having a conversation feels like a burden, especially if you are interested in women.
Of course, alcohol or drugs can help alleviate all these swirling thoughts, to get into the right space of the head. Or you can try the quote books. One of my favorites is attracting women through honesty. There’s a lot of good stuff in there, but the author misses a pretty significant piece. Addresses dating and mind-level relationships. This is not where it all happens.
The magic of the relationship passes to your body and your heart. The connection occurs at the chemical level. This is something we feel in our body. The feeling of falling in love is completely incomprehensible. Your mind is basically useless, as your heart takes over. When we are in love, we express it with our body.
However, this does not mean that intellectual and ideological compatibility is not important in the relationship. I’m not saying being witty doesn’t “work”. What I am saying is that it is fundamentally the chemistry and emotional resonance that compels us to each other. Thoughts and words, I would say, are secondary.
And when we hear this chemistry, this “je ne sais quoi”, how much easier it is to be witty, funny and charming!
If you get caught trying to be ingeniouso trying to think what to say, you may want to check your emotional state embodied. What is the energy of my body? How do I feel in my heart?
What I like to do is fill myself with the energy of love and appreciation, and then do what I want. This is also what I suggest to others. Fill yourself with love and then do whatever you want. Let yourself be ridiculed, let yourself express the loving energy within you.
People can feel it when they come from love, when they come from abundance. They may not be able to put their finger on it, but they feel it. This is also usually quite attractive. It’s a win-win. Not only do you become the most genuine version of yourself, but people tend to appreciate genuine expression and positive energy.
There is no guarantee, of course. Even if you come from a place of love, you may not be courting the desired participant. In fact, she may not want to have anything to do with you, and that’s fine! But if you really come from a place of love, you will be received with the best light possible.
But is it possible to have that feeling “in love” without someone special? I think so. You can fill yourself with love for your life, love for your friends or love for pizza. It doesn’t matter how much you provoke him, as long as you grab your mojo.
But it can be difficult. The world we live in often takes away our feelings. So here are some options:
Practice healthy, nutritious activities for yourself when you are alone. I like to exercise, make good food and take baths. I don’t need anyone else to make them, they are all relatively cheap and make me feel great. They are expressions of loving myself. For some people, listening to music, going out in nature, or reading a good book. The things you do to feed yourself are powerful tools to fill your own cup of love without the need for others.
Foster and love friendships. Sometimes it’s hard to do it all by yourself, and we don’t have to. Take care of your friends, make new friends, and learn to find deep appreciation for the friends you have. Congratulations to your friends, tell them how much you appreciate them. The love of friends will be different from romantic love, but it fills the same glass.
Get support and reflections from someone who can help you. He can be an amazing mentor, parent or coach. These types of relationships can often help you get rid of your personal blogs to see and experience the beauty of the world. A mentor can help you see the world in a whole new way. A coach can teach you new ways to cultivate the most powerful version of yourself. A father may remind you that he used to put on your sister’s clothes and walk around the living room (thank you mom).
Or just do what makes you happy. Fill yourself with love. Then do whatever shit you want.
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