Dating with an anxious adjunct style: last first date

Posted by Sandy Weiner in attached styles | 0 comments

If you’re dating an anxious style of affection, listen to this episode with Jessica Baum. You will learn useful tips for successful dating.

Jessica Baum is a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) who supports those struggling with anxiety, relationship conflicts, marital problems, and co-dependency relationships. She is the author of the next book, Anxiously hooked: being more secure in life and love, which will be released in June 2022, available for pre-order now. Jessica is the founder of the Palm Beach Relationship Institute, a group practice that has been offering couple-therapy, family counseling and addiction therapy in South Florida since 2016, the Self-full® method and its sister company, Be Self- sheet.

joIn this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Tools to use when activating a relationship
  • How to become aware of repeated patterns of low self-esteem and abandonment
  • How our nervous system affects our relationships and unconsciously drives our behavior
  • Healthy chemistry versus an activated nervous system

EP 502: Jessica Baum – Dating with an anxious bond style

What is anxiety disorder and how does it affect dating and relationships?

It is a pattern embedded from childhood. Her parents were inconsistent. The child adapts by learning to meet his needs, but is not consistent. Her sense of self-esteem is lower. They don’t always feel worthy of love. It all comes down to nervous responses.

What is a trigger and what tools can you use when triggering your relationship?

It is an awakened part of ourselves. When we have experiences of struggle / flight / freezing / deer, this is a trigger. The youngest part of us is awake. They live inside us and wake up when they trigger us.

When activated, I ask “How old were you when you first heard this condition?” It is usually terror or deep pain. When we hold these awake parts together and make sense of them, we can integrate them. These states are felt in the body. We want to welcome them with safe people.

Tools to use when activated: Label what is going on inside you. Most of the time our narration is completely wrong. Leave the narration. Tell your brain, “Thank you for thinking. These are just protective thoughts.” Focus on your breathing, especially your exhalations. Call a friend and breathe with him. You will gradually get out of this state. Someone can breathe with you and slow down your breathing.

What motivated you to do this work on anxiety disorder, codependence, and conflict management?

I struggled with a lot of anxiety and depression as I grew up, and I didn’t understand what was going on in my body. I identified myself as co-dependent. I was once hospitalized with anxiety and had panic attacks. No one told me what that meant. When I learned about my bonding style, I finally learned that help was available and I was able to cure my codependency and anxiety. I went from shame to compassion.

What are your latest tips for someone with an anxious affectionate style who wants to go on their last date?

Everyone with an anxious bonding style wants to go on their last first date! Learn to be with people who give you a sense of security versus emotion. Be honest and don’t stop consuming chemicals like love bombing. Time and consistency are the most important things, and finding reliable and trustworthy people who stand up for you. What is your support system? The healthier your support system, the better your appointment will be. Your patrons will still show up, but there will be more indulgent partners. Find someone who is willing to work with you.

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Jessica at and @jessicabaumlmhc on instagram. Preorder your book Anxiously hooked: being more confident in life and love and grab your free gifts.

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