In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I explain how learning to be obedient unconditionally biased our perception of negative consequences and why it’s time to update our thinking so we can stop being scared by create healthy boundaries and take care of ourselves.
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5 key themes in this episode
- Unless we are now a child, we grew up in The Age of Obedience. This is where parenting, communication, and interaction with children focused on obedience. It was about teaching us unconditional compliance, which allowed for no nuances. It’s not uncommon for us to fight or not know when to say no.
- While we may be afraid to say no and have limits, what we are often most afraid of are the consequences of these. But the problem we were afraid to get into it was not the consequence of not doing that particular thing. It was the consequence of not obeying that particular person, who is very different.
- I’ve come to recognize that as annoying as it can sometimes be when our daughters don’t do what they ask or expect, I do not do it they want them to comply unconditionally. We are teaching life skills, limits, not how to submit to ourselves.
- No wonder some of us are afraid to learn or try new things when we used to be called or punished for not knowing something. Part of the response from parents or caregivers was due to the feeling that we are not responding correctly we are disobedient or that we were embarrassing them and making it clear that they are not successful parents or that we would not become a good and successful worker. Adult.
- The pandemic with its confinements, social distancing, guidelines, rules, cuts and changes and continuity has been very triggering for many people. And as we press our buttons around obedience and fulfillment, especially anything we perceive as arbitrary or dubious, some of us have reached the maximum of obedience and nailed our heels.
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