The life of a co-dependent person revolves completely around that of his or her partner. Their identity is absorbed throughout the relationship. They run the risk of losing sight of who they are as an individual. Their self-esteem depends entirely on their partner’s approval, and they will do whatever it takes to please them, even if it makes them miserable and unrecognizable to family and friends.
But actually realizing that you are in a relationship of co-dependence is another matter. It’s good to know what to look for and how to make the necessary changes to save yourself.
What are the signs of a co-dependency relationship?
- Your partner is critical and controlling, and you are committed to keeping the peace: This is a classic sign of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists thrive on being complacent and complacent, while co-addicts tend to like people by nature. This creates a seemingly inescapable cycle. Be wary of anyone who weakens you, dismisses you, or diminishes your worth. If you’re constantly struggling to gain your partner’s approval, and at a great cost to your happiness and well-being, it’s worth stopping by: What do I do to earn mine own approval?
- You hate to say “no”: In general, you are afraid or feel guilty or anxious at the prospect of having to reject your partner’s wishes. You can pretend to agree with them because it seems easier right now. This loss of self can lead to a sense of dissociation, disconnecting you from relationships with family and friends.
- Your relationship is one-way: He co- en codependence it can be a little misleading. You might think that implies that over-reliance flows equally from both sides. But it is more often the case that one couple needs the other, which in turn depends on the feeling of to be necessary. Co-dependents regularly put their partner’s needs above their own and make virtually every effort to maintain the relationship on a daily basis. They may even feel uncomfortable being the recipient of an unusually kind gesture, not knowing how to respond. But of course, a healthy relationship includes ongoing acts reciprocal love and affection. If you don’t have self-esteem, your endless urge to please your partner may feel altruistic, but it’s probably just a denial.
How do I get out of a relationship of co-dependence?
- Get to know yourself: Co-addicts sometimes struggle with the idea of who they are, because their identity has long been tied to that of their partner. So it’s vital to take time for yourself, exploring who you are and what you want. Being true to yourself is difficult at first, but making a list of all your best qualities and all your interests that you would like to nurture is a great place to start.
- Break the traumatic link: A codependent relationship may not be love, but manipulation. You feel trapped; you feel like you can’t survive without them. This addiction to its approval is often aggravated by a process called intermittent reinforcement, for which your partner is sometimes kind, sometimes cruel and the pattern is totally unpredictable. A codependent person is very susceptible to this behavior because he only wants those around him to be happy. A manipulative person is aware of this and uses his good nature against it. If that is said traumatic bond lasts long enough, the receiver experiences doubts about himself. Maybe his partner calls them crazy, turns them on. The only way out of this cycle is to break free from the situation. Cut off the contact. Surround yourself with those who really have your best interests at heart. You may need to seek professional help to understand how the traumatic bond has hurt you, how to undo the harmful effects, and how to fall in love again someday, only this time with a healthy, non-codependent bond.
- Learn to say no: Despite the immense pressure you are feeling right now, there is really no primary goal, cosmic reason why you submit to all the demands of your partner. If you don’t want to go, reject. Tell them you don’t care. It’s hard, especially at first, but it’s an incredibly powerful way to regain some power in your life.
It’s worth more than that
No one deserves to be in an unhappy relationship, especially one in which they are depressed, degraded, or made to feel small. You deserve something better. And if you need a little extra advice, we can help.
Maclynn International is a multi-award winning boutique presentation agency with offices in New York, California and London. We are known worldwide for bringing together highly compatible singles, and our matchmakers are eminent experts in relationships in their own right. So if you think you might be in a codependency relationship or are struggling with the consequences of one, we are here to hear from you. Get in touch today and we’ll start the journey to meet this special person truly deserves it and who deserves it you.
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