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No one said marriage would be easy, but do any of us fully understand what we are getting into when we finally get along? All relationships go through their ups and downs, but the level of commitment to marriage sometimes makes these low ones feel bottomless, and that’s when some people may start to feel close down an escape hatch. . Before you go, take a step back and consider what made you commit to this person to begin with, what’s left and what’s to come if you can figure out how to save your marriage!
If you find yourself in a difficult time in your relationship and are looking for a way to save your marriage, this is a good start. Apathy is the ultimate deadly blow to a relationship, so feeling the need to fix what’s gone wrong and seeking guidance on how to save your marriage means there’s still something worth saving.
Do a pre-post-mortem
The first step is to find out what the hell is going on that makes you feel like you need to save your marriage! Have you had a major life event between you and your loved ones rather than approaching you? Has there been a breach of trust that has broken the relationship? Have you two stopped sharing your lives together and are now just living side by side as glorified roommates?
Finding out what happened will be an important part of figuring out how to save your marriage, so take an honest look at the history of your relationship. Sometimes there isn’t a “big event,” just a year and then a year of separation, and knowing that is key to figuring out how to approach the salvation of your marriage. Working with a professional marriage counselor can be key to finding out what brought you to this point.
Sometimes it can be very difficult to accept the role we have played ourselves in a troubled relationship, but there is always an action / response, and whether you are the actor or the responder, you are there too! For example, if you think that your spouse is no longer sharing his or her day-to-day life, consider how you can change the way you ask and the way you listen.
Maybe you inadvertently indicated in the past that you didn’t have time or space to listen to their day, or maybe you were disinterested in something that really mattered to them and they no longer share to avoid that reaction. To counter this, you could take the initiative, “And what’s going on in the office these days? It’s always been when I don’t hear you mention anything, I miss knowing how to talk about your day!” Keep it light and consistent and they are likely to respond in the same way. When we change our own behavior, the responses we receive are likely to change as well.
If you are looking for a way to rekindle your relationship, you may need to reconnect with your spouse. I’ve written about how to stay in a relationship before, and there are many things you can do to reconnect while trying to save your marriage.
Intentional effort is key here, so do your best to reinforce communication techniques and speak in your partner’s love language, show them how special they are for you with dating nights, romance and planned relationship routines and, most importantly, pay attention to who your spouse is these days. What they really want Right Now? What is most important to them? Connect with them as they are nownot who they were when you met.
Assume the best
Many of us like to believe that we are readers of the mind when it comes to our spouses, but we really are not! In fact, I would venture that the vast majority of the big fights my husband and I have had have been because one of us has assumed that we know what the other person is “really” saying or what he means. ” really “with this or that, but the truth is we don’t!
In fact, if you commit to taking the best of your marriage, you’ll find that even things that were said sarcastically or in a hidden message no longer come that way and that were received differently from you, don’t inspiraran. the same answer and any pattern that existed before will be broken. It may not seem natural to you the first few times you do, but keep it that way; Eventually, your partner is likely to notice it and you may find that it is achieved with a change of your own!
Find the fun again
After years of marriage devoted to day-to-day responsibilities, it’s not so uncommon to wake up one day and realize that there’s not much fun anymore. You can rediscover the fun by prioritizing some play time together, whether it’s fooling around during daily chores like cooking, cleaning, and ordering, or going out somewhere to have fun on purpose.
If you really want to increase the level of fun, try something completely new for both of you! Having new experiences together is a great way to reconnect and fall in love with each other again, and a romantic weekend somewhere new increases intimacy because it has been found that traveling couples strengthen relationships and improve sex life! If you want to save your marriage, try to make it more fun for both of you.
Work with a professional
When I have a medical problem, I see a doctor. When my car makes a funny noise, I see a mechanic. If my marriage has such complex issues that I’m searching on Google “how to save my marriage”, I’ll see a marriage counselor.
I am a big fan of therapy, and my husband and I have been to couple counseling many times because there is no substitute for an educated and neutral third party who can help a couple resolve personal prejudices to get to the root of a problem. They are trained professionals who can help people navigate any conflict they have with tools and tips for a stronger, stronger and healthier marriage. If you consider your marriage to be one of the most important relationships in your life, why do it when you can see a professional?
Embrace the evolution of marriage
When someone begins to think that they should save their marriage, they may sometimes be trying to save what was before instead of embracing the evolution of the relationship. No one stays the same and neither do relationships, so sometimes it can be the case that people assume that marriage is struggling when in reality only married people are struggling with change.
If you can accept the way you both grew up from the beginning of the relationship, you may find that you can both grow together and, although the relationship will never be the same as before, it can grow to be even more so. strong and solid. cooler version that reflects the growth you’ve had personally and together; marriage 2.0, perhaps?
A healthy marriage should be healthy for everyone involved, so if you are looking for ways to save a marriage that is not healthy for one or both parties, it may help to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship altogether. Relationships change in the same way that people do, and if a relationship has become a point of pain and conflict and now it is something that slows people down instead of helping them to be the best of them, then I personally think it is the healthiest, kindest and most rational. to do could be to separate.
However, if you and your family are still committed to finding ways to save your marriage, I wish you all the best and hope that your relationship will be full of love, life and laughter as you navigate the difficult times together.
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Kendra Paulson is the writer behind the content of Has Baggage, Still Travels on IG and FB, where she creates original content to cultivate our best self. She loves to travel and explore new places with her husband and two children, which is a good thing because her military family moves every couple of years to a new place for a new adventure! A mix of all the places she’s ever lived, Kendra likes to think that she brings a little taste of the Midwest Plains, the Southeast Coast, the Southwest Desert, and the lush Hawaiian Islands to everything she works for. .
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