5 Ways Secrets Can Damage Your Relationship

We keep secrets because we fear that our partner will love us less or break up with us if we tell them the truth. We weigh the pros and cons and decide that discovering the secret is simply not worth our partner’s emotional recrimination, even though we don’t realize that recrimination has already taken place inside. ourselves. It is already harming our ability to connect with our partner by restricting our ability to communicate emotionally with her.

According to a fascinating piece of research published in 2018, the average person retains 13 secrets at all times, included five they have never been revealed to another soul. This can be especially tricky when you’re in a relationship, because keeping a secret means that you run the risk of breaking your trust with your partner, especially if it really affects you personally. And even the smallest of secrets can have unintended consequences in a relationship. The researchers found that keeping secrets correlated with a negative sense of well-being, which in turn harms the way partners interact with each other.

The most destructive secrets that couples keep involve financial problems, substance abuse, and infidelity. 13 million Americans have hidden a bank or credit card account of his partner. Infidelity is responsible for up to 40% of divorces in the United States.

Identifying and understanding how to keep secrets under lock and key can be counterproductive i your relationship is the first step in disrupting this pattern of negative behavior.

1. Create a barrier to the connection

It’s getting harder and harder to share life with your partner in a meaningful way when you’re dishonest. In the 2018 research mentioned above, scientists noted that secret guards experience a lower life satisfaction, feel more tired, and are more lonely, sadder, and more hostile.

2. It feeds an atmosphere of mistrust

When trust is broken, rebuilding it is a challenge to say the least. Resentment and suspicion are hard to overcome, and the cheated partner may have a hard time believing that you are not retaining other secrets, or that the pattern will not continue in the future. This constant need for peace does not build trust, it only calms fear.

3. Allow your ability to communicate naturally

When you keep a secret, you damage the dynamic with your partner. This leads to unnatural conversations because you are thinking too much to make sure the secret is not unintentionally revealed. Overwhelmed by this fear, you may become less available, receptive, or involved, which creates a gap between the two.

4. You risk creating more lies to cover up the original secret

If you do not address the deception early, the original secret deepens, spreading its pernicious roots to the ground beneath your relationship, or it incurs more lies. Keeping a secret a secret can also encourage you to continue your secret behavior, even if you don’t do it with bad intentions.

5. You can get sick

Internalizing deception can be a heavy burden, so much so that it has real consequences for your health. Guilt, shame, and stress can cause headaches, digestive problems, and sleep problems. In more extreme cases, people may resort to substances to fall asleep from these discomforts, which in turn only lead to further alienation from their partner.

Breaking the pattern

If you have been an accumulator of secrets in your relationship for a long time, the prospect of breaking the protective plate can be disastrous, making you feel like you are about to destroy the relationship unnecessarily. But, as we have seen, keeping secrets has far-reaching consequences, and in the long run, not only are you spoiling yourself, but you are not fully committed to your partner and the relationship you have built together.

So be compassionate but direct when opening. Carefully evaluate the situation: the timing, location, and mood, as well as the emotional state of your partner. And if the information will lead to particularly increased anxiety, such as the revelation of infidelity or bankruptcy, you may want to consider the presence of a third party to receive moral support, such as a partner counselor, a therapist, or even a mutual friend. Alternatively, you could talk in the presence of an accountant or a lawyer, so you can both review the financial and logistical implications of your secrecy in the here and now, before taking all the time and space you need to deal with it. -lo. its emotional repercussions later, in private.

While revealing a secret is daunting, even frightening, researchers in the 2018 study found that it has long-term positive effects: people who download the deception feel happier, more authentic, and more close to their partners. Honesty and transparency, as well as forgiveness, are essential to maintaining your relationship. And even if it’s your partner he can not sorry, at least you did yourself free on a personal path to redemption, which we hope will encourage you to be more truthful in the future, both in your relationships and with yourself.

Maclynn International is a multi-award winning boutique presentation agency with offices in New York, California and London. We are known worldwide for bringing together highly compatible singles, and our bridesmaids are experts in relationships in their own right. Get in touch today, and discover our wide network of attractive and fit singles, all ready and waiting to meet someone really special.

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