4 Keys to Long-Term Attraction (Beyond Appearances)

Stephen Hussey

I used to think it was necessary to play “Perfect Steve” on a first date.

Perfect Steve was totally relaxed. Perfect Steve was an effortless success: a great title, a great job, money was not an issue (although, in reality, he barely had it).

Perfect Steve pretended to have a spotless apartment. He would probably start a multi-million dollar business any day. Or write a best-selling novel.

When you’re twenty, you want to hide the shitty parts of yourself. You’re terrified of the cracks in your personality, so make up for it by inflating, blogging with bravado and confidence.

But then, when you want a relationship, you realize it’s impossible if you’re not naked, at least for some of the best chunks.

So the attraction is no longer “perfect.” You realize that this is how you handle your imperfections.

And what else?

What makes some people so much more attractive than others (beyond the visual)?

It’s not about being perfect, it’s about bringing incredible value to someone’s world.

Some ways to do this:

1. Paint a compelling future

We must not have great ambition. We just have to show that we are going to an exciting place. People are intrinsically attractive when they see that the road is bright, fun, cheerful, full of good friends and food and art and new horizons.

People want to get on the boat with us when the ride seems fun and the destination tickles you.

2. Be easy on your flaws, but be confident in your strengths

Attractive people are not dedicated to the bad. They accept it. Laugh. Make a joke about it instead of a charge.

We all have a past. We all have truths about ourselves that hurt. But if we can absorb it, have it, wear it like armor, it doesn’t define us.

Then we also need to know, “I’m also very good at things.” It’s sexy to see someone who has things they know they do well and is deeply concerned about improvement.

3. Bring joy to every party

There is nothing more appealing than people who give freely: they bring jokes, energy and good feelings to any room they enter. They show curiosity. They are thoughtful and praise people in public. They do not seek to see what they can get out of others, they just give without waiting.

You don’t have to be the strongest, not even a ball of charisma. You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people.

4. Have more than one weapon

No one can be one thing all the time.

They are the people who mix attractive qualities that become irreplaceable. Fort i care? Intellectual i flirtatious? A gentleman who is also hilarious and silly?

When we cultivate different aspects of our personality, this combination is what really makes us stand out in a world of stereotypes.

If we become obsessed with being just ONE aspect of our character, we have a mutation. It becomes our only source of validation. We become a one-trick pony.

Long-term attraction doesn’t mean trying to be everything, but it does mean keeping the element of surprise and proving that you’re more than something.

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