I want to teach you something about retirement.
Whether you’ve been through a breakup or can’t stop thinking about someone who isn’t available, you may know this feeling of wanting to make contact despite your best judgment. You may even feel a sense of addiction, as if you have no control over your contact impulse.
You are not alone. This is quite common when we experience separation, rejection, or a threat to our bond. Here are some tips to help you.
1. Understand what is going on in your brain.
When trying to outdo someone, it’s important to stop contacting and revisiting old messages or photos. You have old neural pathways that were built when you were with the person, and the more you get involved, the more you continue to strengthen the old neural pathways. When you stop the contact, allow these old neural pathways to be removed. Also, when you feel like checking out their social media, your brain actually craves dopamine. Find another way to get this dopamine in a healthier way.
2. Try to “split”
Goals are likely to be dropped too hard, so commit to 30 contactless days. After that, evaluate and see if you can commit to another 30. This breaks the target into pieces and makes it more manageable. If you need to communicate because of joint parenting, the key is to keep the interaction neutral. Don’t share good news, don’t get caught up in a fight – they both create a chemical rush. The emotional charge is what keeps you hooked.
3. Ride the wave for 20 minutes.
The intense desire to contact the person will last on average 20 minutes. It is the time it usually takes for the intensity to reach its maximum point and then start to go down. When we don’t know that there is an expiration date for the pain, we think it will last forever and then give in to temptation. Find something to distract yourself (preferably something that requires moving your body) during those 20 minutes.
Withdrawal is normal. You’re not going crazy. But practice is needed to learn how to manage impulses. It is a matter of practice. You have that.
Follow me on Instagram for more tips @missamychan ❤️ To cure lovelessness, check out Renew Breakup Bootcamp – a heart-healing haven.
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